Monday, November 30, 2009

成长。。。

最近, 有一个人让我很头痛。

可是我知道她让我学习了一样事情, 那就是忍耐。

一个人出外生存, 就是要忍耐。

谢谢你教了我这一堂课。现在的我,忍耐力提升了。多亏你。。。

你在我生命中完成了你的使命。谢谢你。。。让我成为更好的人。。。

希望以后的你,幸福快乐:)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Inner feelings...

Final exam is over... this means that I am not a uni student anymore...

To me, this is not a relieve just yet... Coz I dun think I did well in the exam... But I just hope to get 'satisfactory' and pass the exam...

I am still coughing... whole body aching... like an old lady... All in all, this year is stressful.. I can feel my health in taking its toll.. lol...

Hope that I will be alright...

Need to wait till 11th of December.... to really know if I pass the exam or not...at the mean time.. I need to start doing revision again...

I can feel my dark nature is creeping back...tug of war.. always...

People say not to worry about the future... coz the future is not even here yet.. and not to think about the past.

But I can sense that I am worrying.. again...and heaps of other stuff....

Need to get myself geared up for the future... Fight fight fight!! And have confidence in my decisions.. and keep learning... always...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Final Steps to Independance

Finals is near. My uni life is coming to an end... Whether or not that I graduate depends on my exams tomorrow

Cannot believe that I have come this far; 4 yrs of uni life accompanied with struggles and friendship.

Last week is an emo week.... was teary the whole time.. Mixed feelings of being home sick and missing friends who left or are going to leave.This week... exams is important... I know I need this final strive to pass...But I am confident that I can pass; which includes everyone in my course...

All people who appear in my life ( include the ones that I do not get along very well) added spice to my existence; and I've learned so much from them as they trained my tolerance and compassion as a human being; by being able to embrace everyone in my environment(Of course, I am still working on it.. this is a constant challenge)

Eventually all of us are going to part our ways. And we are to be independent to stand on our own feet.

Good luck to us all... We can make it... Can't wait for he grand celebration to get drunk... lol :)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Ups and Downs...Emo moments...

Sent Aaron off back to Labuan last Friday... went to Sydney at 3.30pm.. reach Sydney at 7pm.. then went to watched 2012.. Very touching story about dunia kiamat... lol..

Then went to Chat Thai for dinner at 11pm.. the movie damn long le... Finished dinner at 1 am... Went straight to Domestic Airport...

Realli salute Wei Fun... the day before she did not sleep at all because of the Pharmacology and Psychology exam... then she was driver of the day...Super woman le...

The airport was not opened until 5am... So we waited there since 1.30am... hahaha...
Sat on the bench outside the airport... Talking and making fun.. took pics with Wei Fun's professional camera... u know the camera with the super lenz? lol... Pricey camera le :p

We talk about loads of things.. And the siao po (Hui Yong) of course kacau Aaron non stop...

Aaron was quite silent that day.. did not relli talk much.. I guess he miss us also kua.. ( hopefully I am right.. ) lol...

Sigh... then we talk talk crap... make silly jokes... and of course sum 'yellow' jokes that Mr Aaron likes to talk about....lol... aiya.. but not too yellow le...

At a blink of an eye, it is already 5am... we went in to the airport...saw him checked in... Took some pics with him... last pics before bidding him goodbye...

To be honest, even though I do not know Aaron that well or that long... He is a friend that I treasure... I think everyone ( Oi Yin, Hui Yong, Wei Fun & Wayne) feels the same as me... He is a very kind person, helpful and never ask anything in return.. He really do respect and care for his frens... He is the first person who gave me advice about how to treat people nicely that I would listen to..And I really learned this from Aaron..

Mr Aaron.. if you happen to read my blog... I relli appreciate you being a friend in my life..it is at the right time and at the right place that we are friends.. No matter where you are.. hope that you will always be happy in your future endeavours.... ok?

Me and others will always miss you :)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I like this perfumeee!!!



Saw this perfume at Terry White Chemist... $65 for 50ml... I relli wana buy la.. Already tried twice.. the scent suits me well....

Already made this my target.. If I do an excellent job for prac this week.. then I will get it for myself :) Haha

Friday, October 30, 2009

This Guy's voice... check it out...



I dun think he is human... lol...He Vitas btw..

Prac... 2 weeks more to go..

Time flies... Very soon, I know I am going to finish my prac...

Today I am going to reflect what I have done this week.

Basically, last week I was being a lil bit of a lazy bum.. and this week, I am like a workaholic. Start at 8.30am everyday, and finish at 6pm.

It is a stressful week.. because one of the challenges I have is that I need to recruit people for my focus group...sorta like a survey thingy.

This means, I will need to get myself out there and talk to angmos that I do not know... that really freak me out. So many negative thoughts running through my mind... Shiat.. how am I going to do this? How am I suppose to get enough people to participate in my focus group? There are tonnes of things that I need to do for
this project. To be honest, it is kinda lot of work for a single person to do.

So, undoubtedly.. I am stressed out... I am even worrying about how am I suppose to finish this project on time. But I know that I need to get it done. So I made a determination... to cross over my comfort zone to make this happen.

I started recruiting people on Wednesday. Today, I was freaking out. I went to the mall and just talk to random people at the food court. There are some ppl who rejected me with their poker face. To be honest, that do not make me feel good. But I kept goin, although my heart in pounding upon my chest.

Finally, I did get a number of positive responses. In fact, I got about 10 people who expressed their interest to come. It was quite a good job according to my supervisor... However, I was escorted out by the security... Coz I am not suppose to hand out flyers/ promoting surveys on private premises. So that did not make me feel that good either.

I knew I need to recruit more people to come to the focus group on Thursday. So this time, I rang up TAFE College and spoke to the campus manager there. Haha... I do not need to explain the struggle that I went through plucking up my courage talking to him. Anyways, I got a positive response from him that I am allowed to come over to the campus to promote my focus group.

I actually chanted 2 and half hours for it. Coz I am determined to challenge my situation. I want to overcome my fear, by not letting it get to me. And it turned out, that I am doing a fairly good job as well.

And today, I went to Manning Hospital. This time, responses from people aren't that great. But I managed to get through to some people who also expressed interest to come; though most of them are unsure when are they able to make it.

From this experience, I do feel that I am a person who need stress to move forward. Actually it does make me work harder... rather than sitting there and doing nothing. Although it is a struggle, but I finally experienced finding joy while struggling... which is very rewarding.

And I know there are heaps of challenges and struggles awaiting me if I want to be a good dietitian; and also if I wanted to stay in Australia.

I appreciate that all these struggles are opportunities for me to grow. Yes it is tough... But I am enjoying it now.. I am surfing through it...

Now all I need to do is to keep up the momentum... and finish this project nicely as I wanted it to be : )

That is for now...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Great Weekend : )

Went back to Newie this weekend... Had dinner with Oy's dad...And a lil to drink for some celebration... ( sum leftover alcohol from last time when we were drinking when Wf came bad form placement)

Here are sum pics:


3 pretty gals...


Wf and botak aaron...


Siao po and Abigail..


Siao po just came out from shower..


Like father like daughter...Can't u see?


Acting cute with the lion, wf and siao po...


Lion and me :)




Siao po yum seng...


All Yum Seng!!

非常谢谢你们。你们让我感觉到友谊的温暖,友谊的幸福。
非常感谢你们在我生命里出现。让我成长为一个更好的人。
希望我们友谊万岁。
无论我们在何方, 我都永远将这份感动铭刻在心。
谢谢你们在我生命里添满色彩 :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

4th day at prac

Feeling lazy... not motivated to be honest... But I know i need to move forward... Ever forward... need to challenge my negativity...It is haunting me... But need to triumph over it...

As usual... I am worrying over lil things... Shiat.. no food left in the fridge in Newie... Need to do Pharma quiz...Need to do laundry... Need to study for it le...But I think I haven't touch it...

Oy's dad going bac to Msia on Saturday...Will hav dinner together with wf and others...

Granma is buried today... May you rest in peace..Luv u always...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

2nd day at Prac...

Woke up at 7am today....I was lazying around in bed.. reluctant to get up.

Went to prac abit late...to be honest... I am not looking forward to it.. Coz I am still hazy at the direction of my project is heading...

Basically my project involves developing a manual for Energize Australia to help local foodservice implementing healthier food options in their menus; as a strategy in preventing obesity and chronic illnesses. That is to sum it up.

Anyways, I've spent most of my day today feeling very sleepy and lazy... Ah well... my fundamental darkness is creeping in...Well aware of that... At lunch time, went to post a Bday card to my fren in Malaysia, and bought a nice book mark for her... Posted it but I realised I forget to write her name and my own address on it...

By the time I went back to the post office and asked for the chance fill in her name... It was already too late.. as it was posted at 1pm.... Pray that she will get it :)

Then, I drank 1 cup of coffee and 1 cup of tea but still feeling pretty sleepy...

Have no choice but went to Woolies nearby to get 2 bottles of diet coke...Managed to drank 1 bottle...

Time flies... then I joined the supermarket tour with Alicia; the other dietitian working there...

She pinned point the healthier options of food products to her clients on the aisle and explained them with ease.. and I was wondering.. when was I going to be like that?

Alrighty... that is for now.. Need to re-determined with prayer, action and appreciation...

Because this is a great learning opportunity for me to be a great dietitian : )

Monday, October 19, 2009

yesterday... and today...

Yesterday...

Thanks to Wei Fun and Aaron... sent me all da way to Broadmeadow station...they accompanied my to wait for the train as welll...

I have 3 luggages: Laptop, backpack, and a 30kg giant luggage for 4 weeks to survive in Taree...

Ah well... Wei Fun and Aaron's reaction was like... ' What did you bring la gal??'

Anyways, I have the reputation of overloading myself with stuff as always... bad habit... since kindergarden.... Need assistance to change that though...

I boarded the train... Determined to read some of the reading materials for prac... But fell asleep 80% of the journey....

When I was awake... I was bored.. so I read Ikeda Sensei's daily guidance.. This one really impresses me:

'To take the initiative to go where the circumstances are most difficult, to be first to take on the most ardeous tasks. Those who live with a dedicated commitment to faith, to kosen-rufu (happiness of humankind) and to their own self-realization are true champions in life'

I am deeply moved by his guidance... Coz i am facing the feeling of fear right now... Coz I do not know what to expect out of the placement... I still have doubt if I am going to do well for IPP placement...

Suddenly out of the blue... I felt melancholic and very sad... as my granma is critically ill... I have a feeling that she has passed away....

I reached Taree at 5.10pm...

It was sunny here compared to Newcastle...

Then I caught a cab...A guy smoking a cigarette, long haired, wearing unruly clothes was at the cab before me.

But he asked me if I wanted the cab.. and let me get the cab first.... He appeared to be a nice person after all... he even opened the door for me to get in...

Then I reached the hospital... Asked the cab to wait outside for me to get da keys from Manning Hospital... But my key wasn't at the reception... It was at the emergency centre... So I took my luggage out... Left at the reception and went up to 2nd floor to pick up my keys from he emergency... led by the security...

Luckily enough.. I got a ride from the security to take me to the unit that I am suppose to stay....

Then I get to meet my house mate... Anyway, the house is in a mess... that is all I can say... but still bearable....

It was already 6pm when I was here... Then I quickly went to do some grocery shopping before it gets dark...

This is when the interesting part starts....By the time i finished my shopping.. it was already 7.30pm... It was very dark...and was carrying 3 bags of groceries...2.5L of water, milk, sugar, soy sauce, cooking oil, cereals, and some other stuff that is enough to make my journey back to my accommodation a painful austerity.

Due my 'great' sense of direction... I was lost in the dark... I have no inkling where I was and road lights were scarce for me to see the unit number...

I was scared... tempted to cry but luckily I didn't... I chanted in my heart.. I even knocked on stranger's home to ask for directions but nobody answered.... Walking on with heavy groceries.. I have no choice but to stopped a random car driving by...And there were 2 guys in the car... middle aged man and a young lad.

I asked them for help and they took their torch light and accompanied me back to my place... they even helped to take my groceries...

I was scared... because something bad night happen to me... Imagine a gal walking with 2 strangers...But,I came home safely... and I knew I am protected....

But I SWEAR to never walk in the dark again... EVER....

Damn it was super scary -_-

And Today...

Started my prac at 8.30am but my supervisor is not around...Nothing much happened at prac today.. But everything started just fine... But I am determined to do have a wonderful IPP placement...So.. need to re-determine although I still have doubts for not doing a good job.

Then I had 3 coffees today in struggling to keep awake.. but I am punished with 3 serious bouts of diarrhea....Not feeling that great after all.

Suddenly remembered at lunch time that it is my best fren's bday this coming Friday... need to make a card for her to wish her happie bday bac in Msia...so i went to Big W to get some materials...

Finished at 4pm.. Did some grocery and came bac.... ate dinner and went online until I saw Bro's msn message... my granma just passed away yesterday at 5.30pm Msian time... the same time as how I felt that I lost her on the train.

But according to my mum.. My granma passed away very peacefully...

I know I lost my only granparent today...but I do not feel sad. As I know this is a new beginning for her life as well...

Granma.. May you rest in peace... All your children and grandchildren will prosper with a bright future...

Thanks for being so compassionate and always being considerate towards others' happiness and welfare...

You will be always be a part of my memory...deep in my heart.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Things to do..

Already 7pm.. Haven't pack my stuff... Still at Aaron's place... Ate pasta cooked by Hui Yong... don't feel like packing.. although I need to...

Gonna be quite busy starting tomorrow.

Things to do:

1)IPP placement
2)Pharmacology quiz on 21/10/09
3)Pharmacology final exam 19/11/09
4)IELTS 21/11/09
5)Final Exam 25/11/09
6)PR application
7)Job appplication
8)Need to find a place to move out off campus
9)Need to figure out going back to Malaysia during CNY

List goes on and on....

Challenge them ba...

haha : )

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Appreciation...turning point

Today I decided to blog... Sorry for not updating my blog for soo long...Obviously, I am not a hardcore blogger... lol.... I always seems to be busy with something...Or I should say that blogging is not my kinda of entertainment...

This past 10 weeks... Had been a struggle for me as I was at Clinical Placement...I was constantly struggling with fear of failure and lack of self-confidence.

However, I've been through it...with prayer and action... But still, I do not feel content with the outcome.. I am unhappy... I felt lost after 10 weeks of prac.. Although I've been through it... I did not feel that I've achieved anything... I still feel like a failure...

Suddenly, I felt I lost passion in what I am studying.. For all these years of investing my time and energy.. I lost my sense of direction... I literally do not know what to do...

I went to Sydney for some shopping with my frens after the my prac.... Stayed over at Liz place... and went to commemorative meeting on Sunday.... Spoke to couple of members...until I met Carl...Then he suggested me that why not I talk to Greg ( General Director of SGI- Aus)He can give you some guidance ...Then, I was thinking... ok.. why not?

So I plucked up my courage to ring him... Although he is someone who is like a stranger to me....many things went through my mind... I was thinking: 'well.. what am I goin to say to him?'

When he picked up the phone, he said: ' Hi Cherlyn, what's up?' Oh ok... he still remembers me...

Then I told him that I feel lost and I need some guidance from him. Then he said he was busy at that time... He will call me tomorrow morning. And so the next day...

He said: 'Alright Cherlyn... thinking about the severity of your problem...I think it is better that we talk face to face... So you can come to Sydney on Sunday to join with other YW for the ACT meeting... or I can come to Newcastle to meet you on Saturday.'

'Alright... erm...'

'It is up to you what you want to do... I've made a determination that I will see you. '

' Erm...well...' I am freaking out at that time.. coz I did not want to go to sydney as it was a far trip away... But I do not want Greg to come all da way to Newie either.. as it is such a hassle...

While I was hesitating... He replied:'Alright I will come to Newcastle.. Just give me your address... ok? bye' That was it. He hung me up. His serious tone of voice was freaking me out... Doubts were running through my mind... What am I to say to him when I see him?

Then I texted him... and made a decision that I am goin to Sydney to meet him.

And so my journey started...He picked me up from the train station and brought me to the centre...Then I told him all about my placement..I told him how i struggled and took action with faith.. but I felt no Joy...I am lost with no sense of direction of my future....

Greg said:' You lack of appreciation in your life..I bet that you do not appreciate the culture in Australia.. You do not appreciate your parents enough...I can see that you are suffering deep down.. Because you will always not enough although you have achieved something... When you rang me.. You said you felt lost...And you said' I do not know what to do..' I can sense that it is as though you want me to live your life for you... you think this world owe you something... but this world owe you nothing...' At that moment my tears streamed down...I am lost of words... Because at that moment... I realised I do not appreciate the outcome that I've always wanted... which is to pass this placement as soon as I can... I am still begrudging...

'You think your supervisors owe you anything? They are human beings too.. they have their own struggles too... Do you at any point of placement that you sincerely pray for the happiness of your supervisor? And support your supervisor for them to be the best supervisor that they can be? ' When Greg said that.. I knew I didn't.. coz I am still holding on to the impression that they let me pass early is because they want a get rid of me.. that they are fed up with me.. that is why i feel that I do not earn the pass... it is all about Me , me , me...I am doubting my supervisor's buddha nature.. I am still thinking they did not do what they can to assist me being a competent dietitian.


And Greg said: ' You are just arrogant...and your attitude sucks....' He was being very frank.. But he is absolutely right.. ' I knew you do not want to come.. But you came...You have made a great effort and great cause to change ' Then he handed me some tissues.. Coz my tears was rolling down profusely... And I admitted to him about my thoughts regarding my supervisors.

And because of his guidance... I suddenly realise how ungrateful I am towards my life.. I have always begrudge about my pathetic teenage life... and constantly compare myself to ppl in my environment... although I do admit that I am being much more happier now.. in comparison to previous yrs...

But now... I do not want any part of my life to be erased...

Because be it bitter experiences or good experiences... they are the elements that made me who I am today.. I learn to appreciate every single detail of my life... although I do not have a happy teenage life... So what? It is now that matters.. I am grateful to those experiences... Or else I will not get to experience the joy now for having such good frens around...I will not understand other's ppl pain of being alone...

I am grateful to those people who have hurt me.... Because they are the ones in my life to polish my character as a human being...to inspire me to be a better person.. by not behaving like them... I sincerely... from the bottom of my heart.. pray for the happiness for the people that I do not get along quite well with... in order to practice my compassion to embrace differences... and appreciate them for who they are... learning to see their positive side.. their buddha nature..

Now I can really move forward with clear sense of direction.. Coz i do have everything I need to achieve what I want in life...

I am really grateful for my frenz and family... Because they complete me...

And now I just wana start everyday and appreciation... and end everyday with appreciation...

Everyday will be a great day for me from now on... I believe : )

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Me..just me

Today is Saturday.. Sunny day....

But, things are not in place... everything seems to go wrong today for me
I was angry of somebody... because she forget to ask me to go somewhere...
But it was ridiculous, isn't it? Yes it was. So I thought.

I went to grocery shopping alone.. carrying loads of stuff... still at the state of anger... And so I thought. ' why am I always surrounded by ppl who are inconsiderate? What have I done?'

I struggled to go to buddhist meeting today. Was late coz i missed the bus.
Then, I came bac.. And tell myself to re-determine. No matter how am I feeling at the moment.. I have the ability to turn things around... for things to be the way it should be.

Not allowing the environment to control me... but me, being in charge of my environment.

Uncertainty and fear....Need to take control and not let these emotions control me.

Must conquer obstacles I face right now... And put all unhappiness behind...

Need to strive for the happiness of others and myself...

And so I thought... to re-determined is the only thing I can do right now.. to bring out the best in me, and the best in other ppl.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Nambucca

Just finished my first week of food service prac in Macksville,Nambucca...
Had lunch in one of the cafes here on Saturday... Grilled Chicken Burger...It had a weird aftertaste... Coz it was a stale chicken... Asked the waiter to change another one.. But still ...there isn't much difference... i did not manage to finish it though.. In short, the food sucks....

Then We wei and I went for a walk after that along Nambucca river... I bought a banana milkshake.. Again.. it does not taste that great... watery consistency in a giant papercup....managed to finish half.. and the rest goes in the bin...

We wei was talking about how she would enjoy living and working here...

My gosh... it is like a dead town to me... You will rarely see any youths here..Plus, the food here sucks... with no fancy cafes to hang out in weekends.I seriously can't see myself working in a rural area in the future... It must either be Sydney or Melbourne.

I went to the river side again today for a walk coz I was freezing in the nursing quarters... listening to my Ipod... Walked over the bridge... Still not too bad...

Can't wait to go back to newcastle on Thursday. Hope my food service prac will go on fine..

Then I need to be mentally prepared for the next challenge....Clinical placement at John Hunter Hospital.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Welcome weekend...

Last day of my weekend, Sunday.

Will have to wake up 6 am in the morning tomorrow and travel all the way to Cessnock District Hospital for food service placement. Luckily, my group mate is able to give me and Angeline a life there.. Or else we would need to travel 2 hours everyday to placement.. which will be exhausting...

So how is my placement so far and how am I doin? I can say.. Not too bad..

There are crappy days, and there are happy days... But at this stage, there is more bad days compared to good days...

Crappy days is when I feel stupid or incapable at work... when I don't believe my potential to grow and learn.

Friday was the best day.... As it is the end of the week.. And was looking forward to having lunch with Melissa( YW from SGI sydney) accompanied by sincere heart-to-heart dialogue... I was expecting to have lunch somewhere in Darby Street in a nice cafe as I thought we should have time... But we ended up having lunch in Hungry Jacks in Jezzo as we are about to attend Newcastle region meeting in Elermore Vale Community Centre at 3 pm.

It went well... I was glad being to that meeting for it reminds me of how important I am....rather than comparing myself to those around me, I should always believe that everyone is unique and has their mission that he or she can only accomplish in this life time..

Not only should I see that in myself, but also see that unlimited potential in another human being... Instead of wanting the other person to change, I should enact change in my life in order to effect change in my environment.

In other words, instead of picking up flaws of another human being, I should have the wisdom to see the good in them as who they are... and deal with them with wisdom and compassion... and that will need come from my sincere daimoku and prayer from my heart for the absolute happiness of all people around me, especially for those who I have problems with... And truly appreciate their presence in my life... for they are the ones who enrich my life while helping me to become a better human being each and everyday...

There are times when we will be too caught up in our own problems that we see only limited scope of our capabilities. It is only by striving for the happiness of others that we are able to solve our own problems.In other words, it is to be more caring to those people in our environment. Be it our friends our family... and to wake up everyday and feel thankful for who we are and what we have.

So although there can be annoying people around us which contributes to our crappy days, we will need to appreciate their presence... As they make us grow in tolerance as a human being... also, it draws out the compassion in us for him or her that the reason that the other person is behaving this way is probably that they are suffering deep in their life but they just don't realise it yet. To be able to see that, is liberating for us... as we will know at that point on how to react... by not being influenced by the actions of those people in our environment.

To put into practice in daily life is of course difficult... That is why we re-determined everyday with daimoku and prayer. For example: 'I pray for abc's absolute happiness regardless of his/her behaviour, and that she will gain victory over her fundamental darkness.' That prayer, which acts as the latent effect, will come forth when we are engaging with the other person that we are praying for.

This is what I learned from the meeting.. which I think will be useful to anyone who are facing difficulties with people at times...

Now I will just need to move forward.. and re-determine everyday.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Miss my family and 狗妹妹


Most recent picture with Bro...


Bro with 狗妹妹..


Mum with my 狗妹妹...


Couzy sis with 狗妹妹...


Me with 狗妹妹..

Miss home.. and mother's cooking.... can I eat in my dreamzz??

Leng Chi Kang??



Look at this .... It is Aaron Made Leng Chi Kang...when me, OY and WF were having lunch at Kotara... Oi Yin just finished exam... So we chilled out together...
Mixed with left over rice, coke and ice....aaron... sigh... Soooo childish...
But we had our laugh ler...haha...

Uneasy...

Going to start Food service placement soon on Monday.... Had a great time with Wei Fun, Oi Yin, Aaron, Sim and Hui Rong yesterday.. we had a lil alcohol with singing and dancing...Just a small get together as some of us will be going on placement.

And the past few weeks, I've always been together with Wei Fun and others...and I really cherish the moments we spent together....

And today suddenly, I am alone.. So feel a bit awkward.. my feelings all over the place...watched Youtube whole afternoon.. listen to my favourite songs and singing relli loud in my room....

But I still feel weird.. Chanted for half an hour... but still can't find the peace in me... So I went to Huiru's room... And Mei Sin, Ping Syen, Pin Sze were there.... and chatted with them...

It is good that I feel better now with their company...and thanks to Huiru for giving me some advice : )

So, I will need to be mentally prepared to face challenges ahead... Not to worry but face them with courage... So are my friends and course mates...I pray sincerely from my heart for the happiness friends and family around me...

And may all of us graduate with pride and joy end of this year...

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Pek Yiong's Bday

video

Best part of Uni life... Celebrating frenzz bday....Frenzz putting effort to make cake and organise surprise party....

I hope those who see my blog will be reminded of their uni life...Friendship like this is hard to find once we are out in the society working...

Treasure this while you can...

FRENSHIP FOREVER!!

Monday, June 08, 2009

Another day...

It is 12 am... Sleepy but do not feel like going to bed yet....
I am pretty lazy lately... I've done all my assignments for this semester... waiting for the start for my next placement at Cessnock...

It is already June now... There still little time left out of uni life...I wondered how my future is going to be...

Have many things on my mind... and things that i am worried about...

1) Hopefully I am going to pass all my placements,while enjoying the process of learning
2) Hopefully I am going to find a job here.. And settle in when I'm graduating... Still do not know how to go about it yet
3) Hopefully I will achieve what I meant to do this year

Sometimes I do not understand myself... All the insecurities and fear surrounding me... I do feel that at times that I can't see the beauty in me...
Is it because I compare myself to those around me? Yea.. obviously... Due to lack of self-confidence...This inner negativity has accompanied me for long.... That it will not shrug off my shoulders...

And sometimes I will beam with confidence... I am just amaze at my inconsistency...Fluctuating all the time...

Everytime I am different... Still trying to find my grounding.... My principles... And my sense of self..where is it? The part of me?

Will need to sort that out...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Another exciting day in 2009

It took me ages before i can write anything here... Probably the first entry in 2009.How pathetic.. i know...lol...

It is turning winter now.. It was sunny but very windy.. At the middle of a 40% assignment.. but just wanna write something because I am bored...

Woke up at 9 am today... Not my usual self... Coz I am so used to sleep in till
11 am nowadays.. Have buddhist meeting at 1 pm.. and so i thought..Went breakfast with my friends at Goldbergs at 10.30am in Darby St.. It was nice.. but too much bacon,sausages, eggs and oil.. it does not sound that fantastic to me like my friends had beamed about...

We had a great time.... It has been a long time when we really sit down, talk and spend time together.. most of us are on placements now... And will soon go our separate ways by the end of this year...

When we were almost done with our breakfast, there is this hairy man coming in with his buddy friends for breakfast.. I had a really good laugh with my friends and he was looking at me, smiling.. Probably thinking:' What is this Asian gal thinking about me? Mayb I am too hot for her??'

LOL.. I was in stitches because he has hairy chest! haha.. Then when you look side ways, he has hairy armpits too.... Then I told my friends that we are looking at a gorilla eating breakfast in the cafe now.... Then I kept on laughing... I just couldn't stop.. Am i mean? I think I am.. Lol... too excited about hairy people.

After that, we went by a couple of shops and there is this make up bag that i really fancied.. But it was 50 bucks.. damn!!

Too expensive for me... Lol...coz it will be like 140 MYR.... nah.. too pricey..
Then i was looking at the bag.. then putting it back again.. Going back and fro like for 3 times around that shop deciding whether I should get it...

Then i went through a couple of rings in a basket with 75% off the original price.. YAY! and so i thought.. There is this plastic yellowish crystal-like ring from the basket and I tried it on.. then my friends just blurted:'Are you from Mars or something? Wearing that?'

Sadly, I did not get anything from that shop..

I was checking my sms in the car until I was filled with guilt for saying no to the Australian lady who was suppose to fetch me to buddhist meeting at 1 pm. My friend was very kind to give me a lift to Elermore Vale and I reached there at 2 pm. I was late. But when I tried to get into the community centre, It was locked up. I called the lady again and then she was laughing away saying that the meeting on Saturdays has always been on 3 pm...

SHIAT!!! Sigh.. I was amazed by myself with the memory of a gold fish.. BUGGER!! How could I forget?? Now I am stranded here like a dork... looking at bunch of youngsters playing soccer in the fields...

However, I made it to the meeting... And this really reminds me of something.
Me, being a SGI buddhist need to always remind myself of the vow I've made for Kosen Rufu; as I will not always be that lucky for the lady to remind me of that vow...
Maybe it sounds ridiculous and serious to you...but buddhism is all about fighting for happiness for other people and yourself. To have compassion and gratitude to whatever happens in your life. Let's say you had a bad day because you spilled coffee on your shirt or the dog had bitten your shoes off.. We must have the composure to say 'thank you' to all these trivial matters happening to us, although it is always easy to blame on that dog, or having the habit of asking 'Why is this happening to me?'
Also, to have the courage and capacity to say 'thank you' from our hearts to annoying people.. Haha.. And all that needs practice and sincerity from faith, practice and study; in addition for the efforts we poured into kosen rufu.

I admit I have been slacking lately in terms of human revolution, in other words, personal development....

So after the meeting, I re-determined again.

1) Score well in my upcoming assignment.I don't care if it is a tough one
2) Tell my boss next week about the number of shifts that I can work. Coz I was scared of telling him.. and I do not know why...
3) To enjoy my upcoming placement without fear no matter how hard it may be.
4) To show actual proof through my personal victories by deepening my faith, practice and study.

That is all for now... today I re-determined, which is the highlight of the day depsite the good time I had with my friends...because the torch in my heart was lightened up... for good. And I feel alive : )