Exam.. exam .. exam...

Exam again...finals.. then i will be going back Malaysia on 26th of Nov.. i should be studying. But instead, I am updating my blog... haha.. But I think I SERIOUSLY need a break, to connect with other people.. yea you may say that I can talk to people through msn.. But I am in study mode now.. So I don't really feel like chatting with ppl via msn... But still, being alone concentrating on one thing can be quite a pain in the neck...

So I am done with my placement.... Now I just need 3 more papers to go before I end this semester.... time flies!! And I am turning 22 soon... er.. that is daunting isn't it?

I can say until now, I feel that I am still exploring myself.. There are so many things I wanna do to explore my horizons..

I wanna watch more musicals, improve my piano playing skills, wanna continue singing in a choir,wanna explore composing more songs... I am still very curious in this area. SOo many thing i wanna to do....

Hope I can do all, one step at a time... hehe....
ciaoz for now.. back to study :)

KL Buskers Festival 2006

Should have uploaded these photos earlier as well...I participated the KL Buskers Festival 2006 along with other 300 youths of SGM. It was a memorable experience at Dataran Merdeka...the music and the fun was great! I still remember the that it was broadcasted in RTM 1...Anyway, have fun looking at the pictures, and make sure that you guys recognize me. hehe

Merdeka Night Performance...

I should have uploaded these pictures earlier.. Now that I have the time to do it, haha...Anyway, it was a memorable experience just before my placement.. I was asked to be in charge of the Merdeka Night Performance on 31st of August, 2007.. Bogged down with exams and assignments with a tight timeline, it was a challenging moment for me.. I still remember I nearly failed my pre-placement examination prior to this event...I was so stressed out.. But, my chanting helped me to get through.. Without chanting, I would not had manifested the wisdom to get through all this...
These are the lovely pictures,all of us had a great time.

4 am in the morning...

Woke up 4 am in the morning to realise that I have motivation to upload photos on my blog.. these are the photos from Canberra, just got the photos from my friend (the photographer. It was a nice trip..thanks for my friend who drove 4 hours straight from Newcastle 4 am in the morning and managed to reach there by 9am... It was cold there!! Freezing I would say although it is spring... We went to the Parliament House, Floriade Exhibition, National Museum and also the Telstra Tower... It was perfect for a one day trip... Enjoy the pictures guys!


Telstra Tower. Can you imagine standing at the top of the tower with the wind blowing fiercely? It was FREEZING man.. but the night scenery was worth a watch...


Our photographer man, snapping pics of himself... he thinks himself is handsome(er hmm)anyway,he is showing his new camera also la...


Look at the flowers.. aren't they gorgeous?









Am I gorgeous? Did someone faint? Do i need to call 911? haha joking.. I will never regard myself as gorgeous...?!?!




Our dedicated driver, who insist that he will only take photo with the red flowers...how 'passionate' he is...








Parliament House, we are sooo patriotic...


Nick, Me, Oi Yin, Ee Cheng and Suresh (From L to R)

Placement sucks...

It has been such a long time not updating my blog...Anyway, I am busy with stuff...well I always said that I am busy.. but I think that sometimes I am giving myself excuses...

Since I am doing Nutrition and Dietetics, I have to take Community Nutrition as one of my subjects. Basically it involves intervention towards public health, co-operate with the government to formulate policy guidelines towards healthy eating in relation to obesity and stuff...But, it is boring to me because I hate planning and go through tedious processes...Then, the placement is actually for us to work on our respective projects.. And mine is about healthy lunchboxes...whereby we need to assess year 5 and year 6 school children lunchboxes to look at the foods they brought to school to evaluate whether they are eating healthily..

And now, I will keep on rattling about my placement...because I have been bottling up my feelings for four weeks.. and enough is enough...

All Malaysians who are doing this course have to split up to be in groups with Australians for our placement.So every group will have 2 to 3 Australians with one Malaysian.

Since I do not like this subject much, I did not do much background research...So basically I did not know much about the project... My group mates did found info on it.. But they are just unwilling to share them with me or bother explaining to me on what they have found. Or if I emailed them whether there was anything I could help, they would ignore my email..That is fine..

1ST WEEK
Then the first week of placement starts...damn it was stressful... It was so hard to communicate with them. I don't think my English is good, but it is not bad either... It is like I need to repeat myself at least twice for them to answer my question.. Then if i repeat too many times,they would think that I don't understand them... Like I am idiot or something,like I have no clue on what I am doing...So most of the work was done by them...and most of the time I was just sitting there watching them editing stuff,doing graphs on the pc.. and I would just be watching...

In this case, it is normal that one will feel bored right? So I tend to space out at times... Then they would suddenly popped the question and asked my opinion about the stuff they are doing.. then obviously I would say that I dunno... then they would say 'What are you doing?'

HELLO.... I don't feel like I am a part of this project at the start.. They would talk between themselves most of the time... and I was trying very very hard to listen on what they were talking about on the project... and sometimes I just couldn't get it.. because they would not bother to explain to me on what they were planning to do on the project most of the time.

Then, when we were doing the audits and survey for the children, same thing happened... They did not really tell me clearly how were they going to conduct the audit and surveys...then when I've done the mistake, they would say 'Didn't we talk about it yesterday and you were there??'

HEY C'MON MAN!!!! You guys were mumbling among yourselves most of the time!!! You EXPECT me to know it???I feel as though I NEED eavesdrop all the time to know the progress of the project!!!

Then, here comes the insult from one of my group mate. On Thursday, she said that she was tired. Then I asked her that whether she went out yesterday night... because uni students go out on a Wed night normally for clubbing or to pubs coz alcohol is cheap on Wed nights... Then she replied:' No, I am not that STUPID...' WALAU!! In the other way round, she was actually insulting me by saying that I am STUPID!!

There was also another insult when we were compiling results on the audits because we need to count up the number of serves of food we have audited.. I asked her 'If 35 grams is one serve,then how about 15 grams? ' She replied' Oh, you just need to use SIMPLE math and COMMON SENSE.' Man... what kind of comment is that??

So, it was so stressful working with them...it makes me feel like I am total idiot during placement.. then my other group mate likes to swear alot.. F***.. D***head is common words from her mouth...She would swear on anything..probably EVERYTHING...
I am scared to talk to her as well... as she does not like me to comment or run through her stuff when she is doing something...like she would bark at me anytime...

First week was terrible.. But I told myself that I would survive this by proving myself on the things I am good at...I chanted for the wisdom to fit in...Or else, I don't think I can calm down my feelings during placement.

2ND WEEK
This week was still not too bad...
At least I have things to do.. for the audits and surveys... at first I don't think they trusted me on doing the audits.. Cause they tend do more I think...

Started to chat with them and talk more to them as well...

But I still don't enjoy being on placement.

3RD WEEK
This week we start to write up our report... So basically I just counted up all the audits...so that my groupmate could work on it to put in the report...

Basically, I just written three small sections on the report.... Then they would go through it and change it..Although it is not like they changed EVERYTHING that I've written,but still I would not have any final say on the report.. or they would ignore my suggestion on what I think was suppose to be in the report...

Then, they were saying that they were eager to bring me out to get me drunk.. so that I would have an experience of getting a hungover....Damn, I don't think I wanna go out with them...coz I dun trust them.. besides I think that they have the intention of making fun of me because I have no experience in getting drunk.. rather than with the intention for me to have a good time.

This week ended eventually, and I am happy to get OVER it asap...

4TH WEEK

Nothing much to do, as the report is mostly done.. again.. I don't think I am doing much work compared to them.. But I am contributing as well.. I did the powerpoint presentation...

Well, when we get feedback on the report from the dietician, I said I wanted to look at the section that I did... They would just ignore my request and asked me ' What is wrong?' C'MON.. can't I JUST LOOK AT IT??? They were so scared that I am going to change anything on the report.. Like I've said.. I do not have final say on the report...

Then as they were finalising the log book (we need the log book to jot down goals that needs to be completed on the course of our project), there were some days where I did not jot down what I have done for the day...So, I just added some bits on the log book because I knew that we would be assessed based on our contribution towards the report.. She was like 'Cherlyn, you don't need to jot down every single thing you have done because I've already checked it and it is fine as it is a working document and not a diary' I was thinking 'they had jotted down stuff like I did as well and why couldn't I?'

So basically I just couldn't say or do anything freely because they are the ones who finalise EVERYTHING...I can't even TOUCH the logbook unless they say so... if I touch it, they would check every single bit I've written... or they would scrutinize my actions, like my every move is under their control...

yea..finally this is the end of placement which is great.. cause I dun need to see their shit face everyday anymore...but one valuable lesson I learned: If I am deciding to work and live here after I graduate, I would need to upgrade myself so that I am on par with Australians.. so that I would not be despised by them...

I guess they would think that Asians are stupid or something(but not all Aussies of course because I knew Aussie frens who are very nice ppl).They would not say it.. but deep down I do think they feel that way..I can sort of figure it out through their actions at placement... so I will prove to them that Asians are SMART ass...we are willing to work hard and improve ourselves...and one day.. we will far excel beyond their imagination..and they would remain the same level as before because people who look down upon others cannot achieve anything great anyway...

Well, I do not hold a grudge towards them or anything.. Just expressed how I feel... thats all...it is soooo exhilarating after spilling it all out :)

Final exam, the next big thing...

weLL, it is winter now. However surprisingly, it has been raining consecutively for three days... The storm here is terrible, Newcastle city is flooded,a ship carrying 700 tonnes of oil was washed ashore yesterday morning at 9.30am, 200,000 homes were blacked-out yesterday due to the strong winds and torrestial rains and will not get any electicity until next week.. OH man, what is happening to the weather? According to the weather forecast, the bad weather will continue at least for one week....It was also in the newspapers that this wild weather was last seen in Newcastle during 1970's until recently, causing havoc to Newcastle.

A family members of five in a sedan had also gone missing on their way back from Sydney when the road collapsed...Terrible weather..I was scared when the wind blowed so hard, trees waving like mad, and the roaring of thunder was creepy...

I bet I would have shout for my mum of I were back home. Please stop raining, cause the weather is making me sleepy....sigh...and I can't go to the library because teh whole uni close down due to the bad weather...

Another good news is I am going to shift to a self-catered unit next semester and cook whatever I like to eat! The food in Edwards Hall is unbearable at this stage.

Interview of Chris Gardner

Enjoy both of the videos, perhaps you will be inspired to pursue your dreams no matter what circumstances you are in.

Not doing enough...

It is cold and weather is gloomy today, looks like it is going to rain. Watched on youtube about Chris Gardner and I wondered how much did I do achieve my dreams. He is a millionaire broker in US but behind that lies his enormous struggle before achieving what he have today. He was born in a poor black neighbourhood with a abusive stepfather,he did not go to college, he got married but his wife left him because of financial crisis, he raised his son all by himself and being homeless, he slept in subway station and etcetra. But, he fought on and read a lot to learn as much as he can although there wasn't an environment conducive enough for him to learn.

Compared to him, my problems are nothing.In fact, it is close to zero. I am lucky enough to have an opportunity to study abroad. But still, I don't think I am making full use of this opportunity to gain as much knowledge as I can. I've been wasting time. And that is the bad part. I am wondering what am I suppose to do to be proactive?

Since I am in Australia, I have not experienced of having a fruitful day. That feeling of having accomplished a lot in a week, by a reading a book or playing a complete song...

sigh..what am I doing?? I just have to be proative, always be proactive.. But I find it hard to do so..and I hate that.. I know if I continue to live my uni life like this, I will not be getting much from it... Anyway, that is thought for the week...Have to get back to study..have a minitest tomorrow..

Hope to pick myself up as soon as possible..

Confusion...

I am constantly changing…changing in a way that sometimes I can’t recognize myself.
And this whole thing of being a female…I’ve always tell myself that if I have a second chance, I would rather be a male…Males have less things to care about because the only aspect to determine the success of a man is his career.

However, being a female in the 21st century is very challenging. Since women get the same chance of getting education, women are more involved in the society and are gaining recognition on their contribution towards business, health, sports and politics. But not only women have to be smart nowadays; they are also expected to be feminine. As the capability of women are on par with men in the modern society, there are women who are ‘career driven’ .Rather sticking to the traditional conception of being a women, they expose themselves to the society and faces competition in terms of productivity and knowledge. Hence, there is rising percentage of women who do not know to do ‘girl stuff’ such as washing, cleaning and cooking.

This leads me to confusion. I’ve always aspired to be strong, that I will be a person of substance, of wisdom and intelligent woman who is on par with men. This voice within me has prevented me for being feminine. And I admit that I have a sense of desire to show the ‘masculinity’ within me. Since at the age of 20, I started to loathe with the idea of make up and dressing up; as they are very troublesome ordeal. I started wearing big T-shirts as I don’t feel there is a need to flaunt my body shape. Jeans and pants are my best friends as I feel comfortable in them. I also love to have short hair (but not too short) because it portrays the spontaneity embedded in me that is common trait in guys.

Then, I found myself uncomfortable of being sexy and I don’t like wearing spaghetti straps or any other outfits that will show my ‘flesh’. There is a part of me which reckons that a female who knows perfectly well on how to make herself ‘look’ good- in terms of putting on make up and wearing the perfect outfit to flaunt their bodies- are weak (not all of them of course). But I can’t deny that I love to see pretty girls, however in 100% certainty I do not want to be one of them who are constantly obsessed with their appearance which is such a waste of time.

But there is confusion within me when most of guy friends think of me as being a tomboy. Although they use to joke around with it, I found that there is a part of me which is irritated with the idea of being regarded as a male. I realized there is also a part of me who yearns to be and seen as a girl. Suddenly, I felt that actually I enjoyed being treated as the ‘weaker’ sex because you tend to get protection from males; which complete me as a female. Damn it is confusing. So I actually have a trouble of knowing what I want…While I aspires to be ‘career driven’ woman, there is a soft spot within me that is pulling me back. It is a ‘tug- of- war for me…It leaves me more confused of my desires and my aspirations for the future…

The Beautiful Trio in 2007 Grammy Awards...

Enjoy the sensual performance by John Legend, John Mayer and Corinne Bailey Rae.

My favourite song..

Hope that I can play n sing like him..haha..

What Should I Study??

Your Learning Style: Personal and Passionate

You are very flexible and curious about the world. Human understanding is very important to you. You Should Study: Anthropology Architecture Art Art history Art therapy Classics Counseling Foreign Languages and Literature International Studies Linguistics Literature Psychology Sociology Teaching

What Should You Study?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Sada Sasaki

What's your Japanese Name?