Saw this perfume at Terry White Chemist... $65 for 50ml... I relli wana buy la.. Already tried twice.. the scent suits me well....
Already made this my target.. If I do an excellent job for prac this week.. then I will get it for myself :) Haha
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I like this perfumeee!!!
Saw this perfume at Terry White Chemist... $65 for 50ml... I relli wana buy la.. Already tried twice.. the scent suits me well....
Already made this my target.. If I do an excellent job for prac this week.. then I will get it for myself :) Haha
Friday, October 30, 2009
Prac... 2 weeks more to go..
Time flies... Very soon, I know I am going to finish my prac...
Today I am going to reflect what I have done this week.
Basically, last week I was being a lil bit of a lazy bum.. and this week, I am like a workaholic. Start at 8.30am everyday, and finish at 6pm.
It is a stressful week.. because one of the challenges I have is that I need to recruit people for my focus group...sorta like a survey thingy.
This means, I will need to get myself out there and talk to angmos that I do not know... that really freak me out. So many negative thoughts running through my mind... Shiat.. how am I going to do this? How am I suppose to get enough people to participate in my focus group? There are tonnes of things that I need to do for
this project. To be honest, it is kinda lot of work for a single person to do.
So, undoubtedly.. I am stressed out... I am even worrying about how am I suppose to finish this project on time. But I know that I need to get it done. So I made a determination... to cross over my comfort zone to make this happen.
I started recruiting people on Wednesday. Today, I was freaking out. I went to the mall and just talk to random people at the food court. There are some ppl who rejected me with their poker face. To be honest, that do not make me feel good. But I kept goin, although my heart in pounding upon my chest.
Finally, I did get a number of positive responses. In fact, I got about 10 people who expressed their interest to come. It was quite a good job according to my supervisor... However, I was escorted out by the security... Coz I am not suppose to hand out flyers/ promoting surveys on private premises. So that did not make me feel that good either.
I knew I need to recruit more people to come to the focus group on Thursday. So this time, I rang up TAFE College and spoke to the campus manager there. Haha... I do not need to explain the struggle that I went through plucking up my courage talking to him. Anyways, I got a positive response from him that I am allowed to come over to the campus to promote my focus group.
I actually chanted 2 and half hours for it. Coz I am determined to challenge my situation. I want to overcome my fear, by not letting it get to me. And it turned out, that I am doing a fairly good job as well.
And today, I went to Manning Hospital. This time, responses from people aren't that great. But I managed to get through to some people who also expressed interest to come; though most of them are unsure when are they able to make it.
From this experience, I do feel that I am a person who need stress to move forward. Actually it does make me work harder... rather than sitting there and doing nothing. Although it is a struggle, but I finally experienced finding joy while struggling... which is very rewarding.
And I know there are heaps of challenges and struggles awaiting me if I want to be a good dietitian; and also if I wanted to stay in Australia.
I appreciate that all these struggles are opportunities for me to grow. Yes it is tough... But I am enjoying it now.. I am surfing through it...
Now all I need to do is to keep up the momentum... and finish this project nicely as I wanted it to be : )
That is for now...
Today I am going to reflect what I have done this week.
Basically, last week I was being a lil bit of a lazy bum.. and this week, I am like a workaholic. Start at 8.30am everyday, and finish at 6pm.
It is a stressful week.. because one of the challenges I have is that I need to recruit people for my focus group...sorta like a survey thingy.
This means, I will need to get myself out there and talk to angmos that I do not know... that really freak me out. So many negative thoughts running through my mind... Shiat.. how am I going to do this? How am I suppose to get enough people to participate in my focus group? There are tonnes of things that I need to do for
this project. To be honest, it is kinda lot of work for a single person to do.
So, undoubtedly.. I am stressed out... I am even worrying about how am I suppose to finish this project on time. But I know that I need to get it done. So I made a determination... to cross over my comfort zone to make this happen.
I started recruiting people on Wednesday. Today, I was freaking out. I went to the mall and just talk to random people at the food court. There are some ppl who rejected me with their poker face. To be honest, that do not make me feel good. But I kept goin, although my heart in pounding upon my chest.
Finally, I did get a number of positive responses. In fact, I got about 10 people who expressed their interest to come. It was quite a good job according to my supervisor... However, I was escorted out by the security... Coz I am not suppose to hand out flyers/ promoting surveys on private premises. So that did not make me feel that good either.
I knew I need to recruit more people to come to the focus group on Thursday. So this time, I rang up TAFE College and spoke to the campus manager there. Haha... I do not need to explain the struggle that I went through plucking up my courage talking to him. Anyways, I got a positive response from him that I am allowed to come over to the campus to promote my focus group.
I actually chanted 2 and half hours for it. Coz I am determined to challenge my situation. I want to overcome my fear, by not letting it get to me. And it turned out, that I am doing a fairly good job as well.
And today, I went to Manning Hospital. This time, responses from people aren't that great. But I managed to get through to some people who also expressed interest to come; though most of them are unsure when are they able to make it.
From this experience, I do feel that I am a person who need stress to move forward. Actually it does make me work harder... rather than sitting there and doing nothing. Although it is a struggle, but I finally experienced finding joy while struggling... which is very rewarding.
And I know there are heaps of challenges and struggles awaiting me if I want to be a good dietitian; and also if I wanted to stay in Australia.
I appreciate that all these struggles are opportunities for me to grow. Yes it is tough... But I am enjoying it now.. I am surfing through it...
Now all I need to do is to keep up the momentum... and finish this project nicely as I wanted it to be : )
That is for now...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Great Weekend : )
Went back to Newie this weekend... Had dinner with Oy's dad...And a lil to drink for some celebration... ( sum leftover alcohol from last time when we were drinking when Wf came bad form placement)
Here are sum pics:
3 pretty gals...
Wf and botak aaron...
Siao po and Abigail..
Siao po just came out from shower..
Like father like daughter...Can't u see?
Acting cute with the lion, wf and siao po...
Lion and me :)
Siao po yum seng...
All Yum Seng!!
非常谢谢你们。你们让我感觉到友谊的温暖，友谊的幸福。
非常感谢你们在我生命里出现。让我成长为一个更好的人。
希望我们友谊万岁。
无论我们在何方， 我都永远将这份感动铭刻在心。
谢谢你们在我生命里添满色彩 ：）
Here are sum pics:
3 pretty gals...
Wf and botak aaron...
Siao po and Abigail..
Siao po just came out from shower..
Like father like daughter...Can't u see?
Acting cute with the lion, wf and siao po...
Lion and me :)
Siao po yum seng...
All Yum Seng!!
非常谢谢你们。你们让我感觉到友谊的温暖，友谊的幸福。
非常感谢你们在我生命里出现。让我成长为一个更好的人。
希望我们友谊万岁。
无论我们在何方， 我都永远将这份感动铭刻在心。
谢谢你们在我生命里添满色彩 ：）
Thursday, October 22, 2009
4th day at prac
Feeling lazy... not motivated to be honest... But I know i need to move forward... Ever forward... need to challenge my negativity...It is haunting me... But need to triumph over it...
As usual... I am worrying over lil things... Shiat.. no food left in the fridge in Newie... Need to do Pharma quiz...Need to do laundry... Need to study for it le...But I think I haven't touch it...
Oy's dad going bac to Msia on Saturday...Will hav dinner together with wf and others...
Granma is buried today... May you rest in peace..Luv u always...
As usual... I am worrying over lil things... Shiat.. no food left in the fridge in Newie... Need to do Pharma quiz...Need to do laundry... Need to study for it le...But I think I haven't touch it...
Oy's dad going bac to Msia on Saturday...Will hav dinner together with wf and others...
Granma is buried today... May you rest in peace..Luv u always...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
2nd day at Prac...
Woke up at 7am today....I was lazying around in bed.. reluctant to get up.
Went to prac abit late...to be honest... I am not looking forward to it.. Coz I am still hazy at the direction of my project is heading...
Basically my project involves developing a manual for Energize Australia to help local foodservice implementing healthier food options in their menus; as a strategy in preventing obesity and chronic illnesses. That is to sum it up.
Anyways, I've spent most of my day today feeling very sleepy and lazy... Ah well... my fundamental darkness is creeping in...Well aware of that... At lunch time, went to post a Bday card to my fren in Malaysia, and bought a nice book mark for her... Posted it but I realised I forget to write her name and my own address on it...
By the time I went back to the post office and asked for the chance fill in her name... It was already too late.. as it was posted at 1pm.... Pray that she will get it :)
Then, I drank 1 cup of coffee and 1 cup of tea but still feeling pretty sleepy...
Have no choice but went to Woolies nearby to get 2 bottles of diet coke...Managed to drank 1 bottle...
Time flies... then I joined the supermarket tour with Alicia; the other dietitian working there...
She pinned point the healthier options of food products to her clients on the aisle and explained them with ease.. and I was wondering.. when was I going to be like that?
Alrighty... that is for now.. Need to re-determined with prayer, action and appreciation...
Because this is a great learning opportunity for me to be a great dietitian : )
Went to prac abit late...to be honest... I am not looking forward to it.. Coz I am still hazy at the direction of my project is heading...
Basically my project involves developing a manual for Energize Australia to help local foodservice implementing healthier food options in their menus; as a strategy in preventing obesity and chronic illnesses. That is to sum it up.
Anyways, I've spent most of my day today feeling very sleepy and lazy... Ah well... my fundamental darkness is creeping in...Well aware of that... At lunch time, went to post a Bday card to my fren in Malaysia, and bought a nice book mark for her... Posted it but I realised I forget to write her name and my own address on it...
By the time I went back to the post office and asked for the chance fill in her name... It was already too late.. as it was posted at 1pm.... Pray that she will get it :)
Then, I drank 1 cup of coffee and 1 cup of tea but still feeling pretty sleepy...
Have no choice but went to Woolies nearby to get 2 bottles of diet coke...Managed to drank 1 bottle...
Time flies... then I joined the supermarket tour with Alicia; the other dietitian working there...
She pinned point the healthier options of food products to her clients on the aisle and explained them with ease.. and I was wondering.. when was I going to be like that?
Alrighty... that is for now.. Need to re-determined with prayer, action and appreciation...
Because this is a great learning opportunity for me to be a great dietitian : )
Monday, October 19, 2009
yesterday... and today...
Yesterday...
Thanks to Wei Fun and Aaron... sent me all da way to Broadmeadow station...they accompanied my to wait for the train as welll...
I have 3 luggages: Laptop, backpack, and a 30kg giant luggage for 4 weeks to survive in Taree...
Ah well... Wei Fun and Aaron's reaction was like... ' What did you bring la gal??'
Anyways, I have the reputation of overloading myself with stuff as always... bad habit... since kindergarden.... Need assistance to change that though...
I boarded the train... Determined to read some of the reading materials for prac... But fell asleep 80% of the journey....
When I was awake... I was bored.. so I read Ikeda Sensei's daily guidance.. This one really impresses me:
'To take the initiative to go where the circumstances are most difficult, to be first to take on the most ardeous tasks. Those who live with a dedicated commitment to faith, to kosen-rufu (happiness of humankind) and to their own self-realization are true champions in life'
I am deeply moved by his guidance... Coz i am facing the feeling of fear right now... Coz I do not know what to expect out of the placement... I still have doubt if I am going to do well for IPP placement...
Suddenly out of the blue... I felt melancholic and very sad... as my granma is critically ill... I have a feeling that she has passed away....
I reached Taree at 5.10pm...
It was sunny here compared to Newcastle...
Then I caught a cab...A guy smoking a cigarette, long haired, wearing unruly clothes was at the cab before me.
But he asked me if I wanted the cab.. and let me get the cab first.... He appeared to be a nice person after all... he even opened the door for me to get in...
Then I reached the hospital... Asked the cab to wait outside for me to get da keys from Manning Hospital... But my key wasn't at the reception... It was at the emergency centre... So I took my luggage out... Left at the reception and went up to 2nd floor to pick up my keys from he emergency... led by the security...
Luckily enough.. I got a ride from the security to take me to the unit that I am suppose to stay....
Then I get to meet my house mate... Anyway, the house is in a mess... that is all I can say... but still bearable....
It was already 6pm when I was here... Then I quickly went to do some grocery shopping before it gets dark...
This is when the interesting part starts....By the time i finished my shopping.. it was already 7.30pm... It was very dark...and was carrying 3 bags of groceries...2.5L of water, milk, sugar, soy sauce, cooking oil, cereals, and some other stuff that is enough to make my journey back to my accommodation a painful austerity.
Due my 'great' sense of direction... I was lost in the dark... I have no inkling where I was and road lights were scarce for me to see the unit number...
I was scared... tempted to cry but luckily I didn't... I chanted in my heart.. I even knocked on stranger's home to ask for directions but nobody answered.... Walking on with heavy groceries.. I have no choice but to stopped a random car driving by...And there were 2 guys in the car... middle aged man and a young lad.
I asked them for help and they took their torch light and accompanied me back to my place... they even helped to take my groceries...
I was scared... because something bad night happen to me... Imagine a gal walking with 2 strangers...But,I came home safely... and I knew I am protected....
But I SWEAR to never walk in the dark again... EVER....
Damn it was super scary -_-
And Today...
Started my prac at 8.30am but my supervisor is not around...Nothing much happened at prac today.. But everything started just fine... But I am determined to do have a wonderful IPP placement...So.. need to re-determine although I still have doubts for not doing a good job.
Then I had 3 coffees today in struggling to keep awake.. but I am punished with 3 serious bouts of diarrhea....Not feeling that great after all.
Suddenly remembered at lunch time that it is my best fren's bday this coming Friday... need to make a card for her to wish her happie bday bac in Msia...so i went to Big W to get some materials...
Finished at 4pm.. Did some grocery and came bac.... ate dinner and went online until I saw Bro's msn message... my granma just passed away yesterday at 5.30pm Msian time... the same time as how I felt that I lost her on the train.
But according to my mum.. My granma passed away very peacefully...
I know I lost my only granparent today...but I do not feel sad. As I know this is a new beginning for her life as well...
Granma.. May you rest in peace... All your children and grandchildren will prosper with a bright future...
Thanks for being so compassionate and always being considerate towards others' happiness and welfare...
You will be always be a part of my memory...deep in my heart.
Thanks to Wei Fun and Aaron... sent me all da way to Broadmeadow station...they accompanied my to wait for the train as welll...
I have 3 luggages: Laptop, backpack, and a 30kg giant luggage for 4 weeks to survive in Taree...
Ah well... Wei Fun and Aaron's reaction was like... ' What did you bring la gal??'
Anyways, I have the reputation of overloading myself with stuff as always... bad habit... since kindergarden.... Need assistance to change that though...
I boarded the train... Determined to read some of the reading materials for prac... But fell asleep 80% of the journey....
When I was awake... I was bored.. so I read Ikeda Sensei's daily guidance.. This one really impresses me:
'To take the initiative to go where the circumstances are most difficult, to be first to take on the most ardeous tasks. Those who live with a dedicated commitment to faith, to kosen-rufu (happiness of humankind) and to their own self-realization are true champions in life'
I am deeply moved by his guidance... Coz i am facing the feeling of fear right now... Coz I do not know what to expect out of the placement... I still have doubt if I am going to do well for IPP placement...
Suddenly out of the blue... I felt melancholic and very sad... as my granma is critically ill... I have a feeling that she has passed away....
I reached Taree at 5.10pm...
It was sunny here compared to Newcastle...
Then I caught a cab...A guy smoking a cigarette, long haired, wearing unruly clothes was at the cab before me.
But he asked me if I wanted the cab.. and let me get the cab first.... He appeared to be a nice person after all... he even opened the door for me to get in...
Then I reached the hospital... Asked the cab to wait outside for me to get da keys from Manning Hospital... But my key wasn't at the reception... It was at the emergency centre... So I took my luggage out... Left at the reception and went up to 2nd floor to pick up my keys from he emergency... led by the security...
Luckily enough.. I got a ride from the security to take me to the unit that I am suppose to stay....
Then I get to meet my house mate... Anyway, the house is in a mess... that is all I can say... but still bearable....
It was already 6pm when I was here... Then I quickly went to do some grocery shopping before it gets dark...
This is when the interesting part starts....By the time i finished my shopping.. it was already 7.30pm... It was very dark...and was carrying 3 bags of groceries...2.5L of water, milk, sugar, soy sauce, cooking oil, cereals, and some other stuff that is enough to make my journey back to my accommodation a painful austerity.
Due my 'great' sense of direction... I was lost in the dark... I have no inkling where I was and road lights were scarce for me to see the unit number...
I was scared... tempted to cry but luckily I didn't... I chanted in my heart.. I even knocked on stranger's home to ask for directions but nobody answered.... Walking on with heavy groceries.. I have no choice but to stopped a random car driving by...And there were 2 guys in the car... middle aged man and a young lad.
I asked them for help and they took their torch light and accompanied me back to my place... they even helped to take my groceries...
I was scared... because something bad night happen to me... Imagine a gal walking with 2 strangers...But,I came home safely... and I knew I am protected....
But I SWEAR to never walk in the dark again... EVER....
Damn it was super scary -_-
And Today...
Started my prac at 8.30am but my supervisor is not around...Nothing much happened at prac today.. But everything started just fine... But I am determined to do have a wonderful IPP placement...So.. need to re-determine although I still have doubts for not doing a good job.
Then I had 3 coffees today in struggling to keep awake.. but I am punished with 3 serious bouts of diarrhea....Not feeling that great after all.
Suddenly remembered at lunch time that it is my best fren's bday this coming Friday... need to make a card for her to wish her happie bday bac in Msia...so i went to Big W to get some materials...
Finished at 4pm.. Did some grocery and came bac.... ate dinner and went online until I saw Bro's msn message... my granma just passed away yesterday at 5.30pm Msian time... the same time as how I felt that I lost her on the train.
But according to my mum.. My granma passed away very peacefully...
I know I lost my only granparent today...but I do not feel sad. As I know this is a new beginning for her life as well...
Granma.. May you rest in peace... All your children and grandchildren will prosper with a bright future...
Thanks for being so compassionate and always being considerate towards others' happiness and welfare...
You will be always be a part of my memory...deep in my heart.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Things to do..
Already 7pm.. Haven't pack my stuff... Still at Aaron's place... Ate pasta cooked by Hui Yong... don't feel like packing.. although I need to...
Gonna be quite busy starting tomorrow.
Things to do:
1)IPP placement
2)Pharmacology quiz on 21/10/09
3)Pharmacology final exam 19/11/09
4)IELTS 21/11/09
5)Final Exam 25/11/09
6)PR application
7)Job appplication
8)Need to find a place to move out off campus
9)Need to figure out going back to Malaysia during CNY
List goes on and on....
Challenge them ba...
haha : )
Gonna be quite busy starting tomorrow.
Things to do:
1)IPP placement
2)Pharmacology quiz on 21/10/09
3)Pharmacology final exam 19/11/09
4)IELTS 21/11/09
5)Final Exam 25/11/09
6)PR application
7)Job appplication
8)Need to find a place to move out off campus
9)Need to figure out going back to Malaysia during CNY
List goes on and on....
Challenge them ba...
haha : )
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Appreciation...turning point
Today I decided to blog... Sorry for not updating my blog for soo long...Obviously, I am not a hardcore blogger... lol.... I always seems to be busy with something...Or I should say that blogging is not my kinda of entertainment...
This past 10 weeks... Had been a struggle for me as I was at Clinical Placement...I was constantly struggling with fear of failure and lack of self-confidence.
However, I've been through it...with prayer and action... But still, I do not feel content with the outcome.. I am unhappy... I felt lost after 10 weeks of prac.. Although I've been through it... I did not feel that I've achieved anything... I still feel like a failure...
Suddenly, I felt I lost passion in what I am studying.. For all these years of investing my time and energy.. I lost my sense of direction... I literally do not know what to do...
I went to Sydney for some shopping with my frens after the my prac.... Stayed over at Liz place... and went to commemorative meeting on Sunday.... Spoke to couple of members...until I met Carl...Then he suggested me that why not I talk to Greg ( General Director of SGI- Aus)He can give you some guidance ...Then, I was thinking... ok.. why not?
So I plucked up my courage to ring him... Although he is someone who is like a stranger to me....many things went through my mind... I was thinking: 'well.. what am I goin to say to him?'
When he picked up the phone, he said: ' Hi Cherlyn, what's up?' Oh ok... he still remembers me...
Then I told him that I feel lost and I need some guidance from him. Then he said he was busy at that time... He will call me tomorrow morning. And so the next day...
He said: 'Alright Cherlyn... thinking about the severity of your problem...I think it is better that we talk face to face... So you can come to Sydney on Sunday to join with other YW for the ACT meeting... or I can come to Newcastle to meet you on Saturday.'
'Alright... erm...'
'It is up to you what you want to do... I've made a determination that I will see you. '
' Erm...well...' I am freaking out at that time.. coz I did not want to go to sydney as it was a far trip away... But I do not want Greg to come all da way to Newie either.. as it is such a hassle...
While I was hesitating... He replied:'Alright I will come to Newcastle.. Just give me your address... ok? bye' That was it. He hung me up. His serious tone of voice was freaking me out... Doubts were running through my mind... What am I to say to him when I see him?
Then I texted him... and made a decision that I am goin to Sydney to meet him.
And so my journey started...He picked me up from the train station and brought me to the centre...Then I told him all about my placement..I told him how i struggled and took action with faith.. but I felt no Joy...I am lost with no sense of direction of my future....
Greg said:' You lack of appreciation in your life..I bet that you do not appreciate the culture in Australia.. You do not appreciate your parents enough...I can see that you are suffering deep down.. Because you will always not enough although you have achieved something... When you rang me.. You said you felt lost...And you said' I do not know what to do..' I can sense that it is as though you want me to live your life for you... you think this world owe you something... but this world owe you nothing...' At that moment my tears streamed down...I am lost of words... Because at that moment... I realised I do not appreciate the outcome that I've always wanted... which is to pass this placement as soon as I can... I am still begrudging...
'You think your supervisors owe you anything? They are human beings too.. they have their own struggles too... Do you at any point of placement that you sincerely pray for the happiness of your supervisor? And support your supervisor for them to be the best supervisor that they can be? ' When Greg said that.. I knew I didn't.. coz I am still holding on to the impression that they let me pass early is because they want a get rid of me.. that they are fed up with me.. that is why i feel that I do not earn the pass... it is all about Me , me , me...I am doubting my supervisor's buddha nature.. I am still thinking they did not do what they can to assist me being a competent dietitian.
And Greg said: ' You are just arrogant...and your attitude sucks....' He was being very frank.. But he is absolutely right.. ' I knew you do not want to come.. But you came...You have made a great effort and great cause to change ' Then he handed me some tissues.. Coz my tears was rolling down profusely... And I admitted to him about my thoughts regarding my supervisors.
And because of his guidance... I suddenly realise how ungrateful I am towards my life.. I have always begrudge about my pathetic teenage life... and constantly compare myself to ppl in my environment... although I do admit that I am being much more happier now.. in comparison to previous yrs...
But now... I do not want any part of my life to be erased...
Because be it bitter experiences or good experiences... they are the elements that made me who I am today.. I learn to appreciate every single detail of my life... although I do not have a happy teenage life... So what? It is now that matters.. I am grateful to those experiences... Or else I will not get to experience the joy now for having such good frens around...I will not understand other's ppl pain of being alone...
I am grateful to those people who have hurt me.... Because they are the ones in my life to polish my character as a human being...to inspire me to be a better person.. by not behaving like them... I sincerely... from the bottom of my heart.. pray for the happiness for the people that I do not get along quite well with... in order to practice my compassion to embrace differences... and appreciate them for who they are... learning to see their positive side.. their buddha nature..
Now I can really move forward with clear sense of direction.. Coz i do have everything I need to achieve what I want in life...
I am really grateful for my frenz and family... Because they complete me...
And now I just wana start everyday and appreciation... and end everyday with appreciation...
Everyday will be a great day for me from now on... I believe : )
This past 10 weeks... Had been a struggle for me as I was at Clinical Placement...I was constantly struggling with fear of failure and lack of self-confidence.
However, I've been through it...with prayer and action... But still, I do not feel content with the outcome.. I am unhappy... I felt lost after 10 weeks of prac.. Although I've been through it... I did not feel that I've achieved anything... I still feel like a failure...
Suddenly, I felt I lost passion in what I am studying.. For all these years of investing my time and energy.. I lost my sense of direction... I literally do not know what to do...
I went to Sydney for some shopping with my frens after the my prac.... Stayed over at Liz place... and went to commemorative meeting on Sunday.... Spoke to couple of members...until I met Carl...Then he suggested me that why not I talk to Greg ( General Director of SGI- Aus)He can give you some guidance ...Then, I was thinking... ok.. why not?
So I plucked up my courage to ring him... Although he is someone who is like a stranger to me....many things went through my mind... I was thinking: 'well.. what am I goin to say to him?'
When he picked up the phone, he said: ' Hi Cherlyn, what's up?' Oh ok... he still remembers me...
Then I told him that I feel lost and I need some guidance from him. Then he said he was busy at that time... He will call me tomorrow morning. And so the next day...
He said: 'Alright Cherlyn... thinking about the severity of your problem...I think it is better that we talk face to face... So you can come to Sydney on Sunday to join with other YW for the ACT meeting... or I can come to Newcastle to meet you on Saturday.'
'Alright... erm...'
'It is up to you what you want to do... I've made a determination that I will see you. '
' Erm...well...' I am freaking out at that time.. coz I did not want to go to sydney as it was a far trip away... But I do not want Greg to come all da way to Newie either.. as it is such a hassle...
While I was hesitating... He replied:'Alright I will come to Newcastle.. Just give me your address... ok? bye' That was it. He hung me up. His serious tone of voice was freaking me out... Doubts were running through my mind... What am I to say to him when I see him?
Then I texted him... and made a decision that I am goin to Sydney to meet him.
And so my journey started...He picked me up from the train station and brought me to the centre...Then I told him all about my placement..I told him how i struggled and took action with faith.. but I felt no Joy...I am lost with no sense of direction of my future....
Greg said:' You lack of appreciation in your life..I bet that you do not appreciate the culture in Australia.. You do not appreciate your parents enough...I can see that you are suffering deep down.. Because you will always not enough although you have achieved something... When you rang me.. You said you felt lost...And you said' I do not know what to do..' I can sense that it is as though you want me to live your life for you... you think this world owe you something... but this world owe you nothing...' At that moment my tears streamed down...I am lost of words... Because at that moment... I realised I do not appreciate the outcome that I've always wanted... which is to pass this placement as soon as I can... I am still begrudging...
'You think your supervisors owe you anything? They are human beings too.. they have their own struggles too... Do you at any point of placement that you sincerely pray for the happiness of your supervisor? And support your supervisor for them to be the best supervisor that they can be? ' When Greg said that.. I knew I didn't.. coz I am still holding on to the impression that they let me pass early is because they want a get rid of me.. that they are fed up with me.. that is why i feel that I do not earn the pass... it is all about Me , me , me...I am doubting my supervisor's buddha nature.. I am still thinking they did not do what they can to assist me being a competent dietitian.
And Greg said: ' You are just arrogant...and your attitude sucks....' He was being very frank.. But he is absolutely right.. ' I knew you do not want to come.. But you came...You have made a great effort and great cause to change ' Then he handed me some tissues.. Coz my tears was rolling down profusely... And I admitted to him about my thoughts regarding my supervisors.
And because of his guidance... I suddenly realise how ungrateful I am towards my life.. I have always begrudge about my pathetic teenage life... and constantly compare myself to ppl in my environment... although I do admit that I am being much more happier now.. in comparison to previous yrs...
But now... I do not want any part of my life to be erased...
Because be it bitter experiences or good experiences... they are the elements that made me who I am today.. I learn to appreciate every single detail of my life... although I do not have a happy teenage life... So what? It is now that matters.. I am grateful to those experiences... Or else I will not get to experience the joy now for having such good frens around...I will not understand other's ppl pain of being alone...
I am grateful to those people who have hurt me.... Because they are the ones in my life to polish my character as a human being...to inspire me to be a better person.. by not behaving like them... I sincerely... from the bottom of my heart.. pray for the happiness for the people that I do not get along quite well with... in order to practice my compassion to embrace differences... and appreciate them for who they are... learning to see their positive side.. their buddha nature..
Now I can really move forward with clear sense of direction.. Coz i do have everything I need to achieve what I want in life...
I am really grateful for my frenz and family... Because they complete me...
And now I just wana start everyday and appreciation... and end everyday with appreciation...
Everyday will be a great day for me from now on... I believe : )
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