Just Me....

人间革命-human revolution

2010-05-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

Human revolution... very painful... but must face it boldly...
coz it is the only way to control your own destiny...
No matter how painful it is... It is a must to do it...
Happiness is within reach with simple act of change.

成长。。。

2009-11-30T00:17:00.000-08:00

最近，有一个人让我很头痛。

可是我知道她让我学习了一样事情，那就是忍耐。

一个人出外生存，就是要忍耐。

谢谢你教了我这一堂课。现在的我，忍耐力提升了。多亏你。。。

你在我生命中完成了你的使命。谢谢你。。。让我成为更好的人。。。

希望以后的你，幸福快乐:)

Inner feelings...

2009-11-29T07:01:00.000-08:00

Final exam is over... this means that I am not a uni student anymore...

To me, this is not a relieve just yet... Coz I dun think I did well in the exam... But I just hope to get 'satisfactory' and pass the exam...

I am still coughing... whole body aching... like an old lady... All in all, this year is stressful.. I can feel my health in taking its toll.. lol...

Hope that I will be alright...

Need to wait till 11th of December.... to really know if I pass the exam or not...at the mean time.. I need to start doing revision again...

I can feel my dark nature is creeping back...tug of war.. always...

People say not to worry about the future... coz the future is not even here yet.. and not to think about the past.

But I can sense that I am worrying.. again...and heaps of other stuff....

Need to get myself geared up for the future... Fight fight fight!! And have confidence in my decisions.. and keep learning... always...

Final Steps to Independance

2009-11-25T13:16:00.000-08:00

Finals is near. My uni life is coming to an end... Whether or not that I graduate depends on my exams tomorrow

Cannot believe that I have come this far; 4 yrs of uni life accompanied with struggles and friendship.

Last week is an emo week.... was teary the whole time.. Mixed feelings of being home sick and missing friends who left or are going to leave.This week... exams is important... I know I need this final strive to pass...But I am confident that I can pass; which includes everyone in my course...

All people who appear in my life ( include the ones that I do not get along very well) added spice to my existence; and I've learned so much from them as they trained my tolerance and compassion as a human being; by being able to embrace everyone in my environment(Of course, I am still working on it.. this is a constant challenge)

Eventually all of us are going to part our ways. And we are to be independent to stand on our own feet.

Good luck to us all... We can make it... Can't wait for he grand celebration to get drunk... lol :)

Ups and Downs...Emo moments...

2009-11-22T22:58:00.000-08:00

Sent Aaron off back to Labuan last Friday... went to Sydney at 3.30pm.. reach Sydney at 7pm.. then went to watched 2012.. Very touching story about dunia kiamat... lol..

Then went to Chat Thai for dinner at 11pm.. the movie damn long le... Finished dinner at 1 am... Went straight to Domestic Airport...

Realli salute Wei Fun... the day before she did not sleep at all because of the Pharmacology and Psychology exam... then she was driver of the day...Super woman le...

The airport was not opened until 5am... So we waited there since 1.30am... hahaha...
Sat on the bench outside the airport... Talking and making fun.. took pics with Wei Fun's professional camera... u know the camera with the super lenz? lol... Pricey camera le :p

We talk about loads of things.. And the siao po (Hui Yong) of course kacau Aaron non stop...

Aaron was quite silent that day.. did not relli talk much.. I guess he miss us also kua.. ( hopefully I am right.. ) lol...

Sigh... then we talk talk crap... make silly jokes... and of course sum 'yellow' jokes that Mr Aaron likes to talk about....lol... aiya.. but not too yellow le...

At a blink of an eye, it is already 5am... we went in to the airport...saw him checked in... Took some pics with him... last pics before bidding him goodbye...

To be honest, even though I do not know Aaron that well or that long... He is a friend that I treasure... I think everyone ( Oi Yin, Hui Yong, Wei Fun & Wayne) feels the same as me... He is a very kind person, helpful and never ask anything in return.. He really do respect and care for his frens... He is the first person who gave me advice about how to treat people nicely that I would listen to..And I really learned this from Aaron..

Mr Aaron.. if you happen to read my blog... I relli appreciate you being a friend in my life..it is at the right time and at the right place that we are friends.. No matter where you are.. hope that you will always be happy in your future endeavours.... ok?

Me and others will always miss you :)

I like this perfumeee!!!

2009-10-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

Saw this perfume at Terry White Chemist... $65 for 50ml... I relli wana buy la.. Already tried twice.. the scent suits me well....

Already made this my target.. If I do an excellent job for prac this week.. then I will get it for myself :) Haha

This Guy's voice... check it out...

2009-10-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

I dun think he is human... lol...He Vitas btw..

Prac... 2 weeks more to go..

2009-10-30T05:17:00.001-07:00

Time flies... Very soon, I know I am going to finish my prac...

Today I am going to reflect what I have done this week.

Basically, last week I was being a lil bit of a lazy bum.. and this week, I am like a workaholic. Start at 8.30am everyday, and finish at 6pm.

It is a stressful week.. because one of the challenges I have is that I need to recruit people for my focus group...sorta like a survey thingy.

This means, I will need to get myself out there and talk to angmos that I do not know... that really freak me out. So many negative thoughts running through my mind... Shiat.. how am I going to do this? How am I suppose to get enough people to participate in my focus group? There are tonnes of things that I need to do for
this project. To be honest, it is kinda lot of work for a single person to do.

So, undoubtedly.. I am stressed out... I am even worrying about how am I suppose to finish this project on time. But I know that I need to get it done. So I made a determination... to cross over my comfort zone to make this happen.

I started recruiting people on Wednesday. Today, I was freaking out. I went to the mall and just talk to random people at the food court. There are some ppl who rejected me with their poker face. To be honest, that do not make me feel good. But I kept goin, although my heart in pounding upon my chest.

Finally, I did get a number of positive responses. In fact, I got about 10 people who expressed their interest to come. It was quite a good job according to my supervisor... However, I was escorted out by the security... Coz I am not suppose to hand out flyers/ promoting surveys on private premises. So that did not make me feel that good either.

I knew I need to recruit more people to come to the focus group on Thursday. So this time, I rang up TAFE College and spoke to the campus manager there. Haha... I do not need to explain the struggle that I went through plucking up my courage talking to him. Anyways, I got a positive response from him that I am allowed to come over to the campus to promote my focus group.

I actually chanted 2 and half hours for it. Coz I am determined to challenge my situation. I want to overcome my fear, by not letting it get to me. And it turned out, that I am doing a fairly good job as well.

And today, I went to Manning Hospital. This time, responses from people aren't that great. But I managed to get through to some people who also expressed interest to come; though most of them are unsure when are they able to make it.

From this experience, I do feel that I am a person who need stress to move forward. Actually it does make me work harder... rather than sitting there and doing nothing. Although it is a struggle, but I finally experienced finding joy while struggling... which is very rewarding.

And I know there are heaps of challenges and struggles awaiting me if I want to be a good dietitian; and also if I wanted to stay in Australia.

I appreciate that all these struggles are opportunities for me to grow. Yes it is tough... But I am enjoying it now.. I am surfing through it...

Now all I need to do is to keep up the momentum... and finish this project nicely as I wanted it to be : )

That is for now...

Great Weekend : )

2009-10-25T01:53:00.000-07:00

Went back to Newie this weekend... Had dinner with Oy's dad...And a lil to drink for some celebration... ( sum leftover alcohol from last time when we were drinking when Wf came bad form placement)

Here are sum pics:

3 pretty gals...

Wf and botak aaron...

Siao po and Abigail..

Siao po just came out from shower..

Like father like daughter...Can't u see?

Acting cute with the lion, wf and siao po...

Lion and me :)

Siao po yum seng...

All Yum Seng!!

非常谢谢你们。你们让我感觉到友谊的温暖，友谊的幸福。
非常感谢你们在我生命里出现。让我成长为一个更好的人。
希望我们友谊万岁。
无论我们在何方，我都永远将这份感动铭刻在心。
谢谢你们在我生命里添满色彩：）

4th day at prac

2009-10-22T02:37:00.000-07:00

Feeling lazy... not motivated to be honest... But I know i need to move forward... Ever forward... need to challenge my negativity...It is haunting me... But need to triumph over it...

As usual... I am worrying over lil things... Shiat.. no food left in the fridge in Newie... Need to do Pharma quiz...Need to do laundry... Need to study for it le...But I think I haven't touch it...

Oy's dad going bac to Msia on Saturday...Will hav dinner together with wf and others...

Granma is buried today... May you rest in peace..Luv u always...

2nd day at Prac...

2009-10-20T01:18:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 7am today....I was lazying around in bed.. reluctant to get up.

Went to prac abit late...to be honest... I am not looking forward to it.. Coz I am still hazy at the direction of my project is heading...

Basically my project involves developing a manual for Energize Australia to help local foodservice implementing healthier food options in their menus; as a strategy in preventing obesity and chronic illnesses. That is to sum it up.

Anyways, I've spent most of my day today feeling very sleepy and lazy... Ah well... my fundamental darkness is creeping in...Well aware of that... At lunch time, went to post a Bday card to my fren in Malaysia, and bought a nice book mark for her... Posted it but I realised I forget to write her name and my own address on it...

By the time I went back to the post office and asked for the chance fill in her name... It was already too late.. as it was posted at 1pm.... Pray that she will get it :)

Then, I drank 1 cup of coffee and 1 cup of tea but still feeling pretty sleepy...

Have no choice but went to Woolies nearby to get 2 bottles of diet coke...Managed to drank 1 bottle...

Time flies... then I joined the supermarket tour with Alicia; the other dietitian working there...

She pinned point the healthier options of food products to her clients on the aisle and explained them with ease.. and I was wondering.. when was I going to be like that?

Alrighty... that is for now.. Need to re-determined with prayer, action and appreciation...

Because this is a great learning opportunity for me to be a great dietitian : )

yesterday... and today...

2009-10-19T02:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday...

Thanks to Wei Fun and Aaron... sent me all da way to Broadmeadow station...they accompanied my to wait for the train as welll...

I have 3 luggages: Laptop, backpack, and a 30kg giant luggage for 4 weeks to survive in Taree...

Ah well... Wei Fun and Aaron's reaction was like... ' What did you bring la gal??'

Anyways, I have the reputation of overloading myself with stuff as always... bad habit... since kindergarden.... Need assistance to change that though...

I boarded the train... Determined to read some of the reading materials for prac... But fell asleep 80% of the journey....

When I was awake... I was bored.. so I read Ikeda Sensei's daily guidance.. This one really impresses me:

'To take the initiative to go where the circumstances are most difficult, to be first to take on the most ardeous tasks. Those who live with a dedicated commitment to faith, to kosen-rufu (happiness of humankind) and to their own self-realization are true champions in life'

I am deeply moved by his guidance... Coz i am facing the feeling of fear right now... Coz I do not know what to expect out of the placement... I still have doubt if I am going to do well for IPP placement...

Suddenly out of the blue... I felt melancholic and very sad... as my granma is critically ill... I have a feeling that she has passed away....

I reached Taree at 5.10pm...

It was sunny here compared to Newcastle...

Then I caught a cab...A guy smoking a cigarette, long haired, wearing unruly clothes was at the cab before me.

But he asked me if I wanted the cab.. and let me get the cab first.... He appeared to be a nice person after all... he even opened the door for me to get in...

Then I reached the hospital... Asked the cab to wait outside for me to get da keys from Manning Hospital... But my key wasn't at the reception... It was at the emergency centre... So I took my luggage out... Left at the reception and went up to 2nd floor to pick up my keys from he emergency... led by the security...

Luckily enough.. I got a ride from the security to take me to the unit that I am suppose to stay....

Then I get to meet my house mate... Anyway, the house is in a mess... that is all I can say... but still bearable....

It was already 6pm when I was here... Then I quickly went to do some grocery shopping before it gets dark...

This is when the interesting part starts....By the time i finished my shopping.. it was already 7.30pm... It was very dark...and was carrying 3 bags of groceries...2.5L of water, milk, sugar, soy sauce, cooking oil, cereals, and some other stuff that is enough to make my journey back to my accommodation a painful austerity.

Due my 'great' sense of direction... I was lost in the dark... I have no inkling where I was and road lights were scarce for me to see the unit number...

I was scared... tempted to cry but luckily I didn't... I chanted in my heart.. I even knocked on stranger's home to ask for directions but nobody answered.... Walking on with heavy groceries.. I have no choice but to stopped a random car driving by...And there were 2 guys in the car... middle aged man and a young lad.

I asked them for help and they took their torch light and accompanied me back to my place... they even helped to take my groceries...

I was scared... because something bad night happen to me... Imagine a gal walking with 2 strangers...But,I came home safely... and I knew I am protected....

But I SWEAR to never walk in the dark again... EVER....

Damn it was super scary -_-

And Today...

Started my prac at 8.30am but my supervisor is not around...Nothing much happened at prac today.. But everything started just fine... But I am determined to do have a wonderful IPP placement...So.. need to re-determine although I still have doubts for not doing a good job.

Then I had 3 coffees today in struggling to keep awake.. but I am punished with 3 serious bouts of diarrhea....Not feeling that great after all.

Suddenly remembered at lunch time that it is my best fren's bday this coming Friday... need to make a card for her to wish her happie bday bac in Msia...so i went to Big W to get some materials...

Finished at 4pm.. Did some grocery and came bac.... ate dinner and went online until I saw Bro's msn message... my granma just passed away yesterday at 5.30pm Msian time... the same time as how I felt that I lost her on the train.

But according to my mum.. My granma passed away very peacefully...

I know I lost my only granparent today...but I do not feel sad. As I know this is a new beginning for her life as well...

Granma.. May you rest in peace... All your children and grandchildren will prosper with a bright future...

Thanks for being so compassionate and always being considerate towards others' happiness and welfare...

You will be always be a part of my memory...deep in my heart.

Things to do..

2009-10-17T01:01:00.000-07:00

Already 7pm.. Haven't pack my stuff... Still at Aaron's place... Ate pasta cooked by Hui Yong... don't feel like packing.. although I need to...

Gonna be quite busy starting tomorrow.

Things to do:

1)IPP placement
2)Pharmacology quiz on 21/10/09
3)Pharmacology final exam 19/11/09
4)IELTS 21/11/09
5)Final Exam 25/11/09
6)PR application
7)Job appplication
8)Need to find a place to move out off campus
9)Need to figure out going back to Malaysia during CNY

List goes on and on....

Challenge them ba...

haha : )

Appreciation...turning point

2009-10-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to blog... Sorry for not updating my blog for soo long...Obviously, I am not a hardcore blogger... lol.... I always seems to be busy with something...Or I should say that blogging is not my kinda of entertainment...

This past 10 weeks... Had been a struggle for me as I was at Clinical Placement...I was constantly struggling with fear of failure and lack of self-confidence.

However, I've been through it...with prayer and action... But still, I do not feel content with the outcome.. I am unhappy... I felt lost after 10 weeks of prac.. Although I've been through it... I did not feel that I've achieved anything... I still feel like a failure...

Suddenly, I felt I lost passion in what I am studying.. For all these years of investing my time and energy.. I lost my sense of direction... I literally do not know what to do...

I went to Sydney for some shopping with my frens after the my prac.... Stayed over at Liz place... and went to commemorative meeting on Sunday.... Spoke to couple of members...until I met Carl...Then he suggested me that why not I talk to Greg ( General Director of SGI- Aus)He can give you some guidance ...Then, I was thinking... ok.. why not?

So I plucked up my courage to ring him... Although he is someone who is like a stranger to me....many things went through my mind... I was thinking: 'well.. what am I goin to say to him?'

When he picked up the phone, he said: ' Hi Cherlyn, what's up?' Oh ok... he still remembers me...

Then I told him that I feel lost and I need some guidance from him. Then he said he was busy at that time... He will call me tomorrow morning. And so the next day...

He said: 'Alright Cherlyn... thinking about the severity of your problem...I think it is better that we talk face to face... So you can come to Sydney on Sunday to join with other YW for the ACT meeting... or I can come to Newcastle to meet you on Saturday.'

'Alright... erm...'

'It is up to you what you want to do... I've made a determination that I will see you. '

' Erm...well...' I am freaking out at that time.. coz I did not want to go to sydney as it was a far trip away... But I do not want Greg to come all da way to Newie either.. as it is such a hassle...

While I was hesitating... He replied:'Alright I will come to Newcastle.. Just give me your address... ok? bye' That was it. He hung me up. His serious tone of voice was freaking me out... Doubts were running through my mind... What am I to say to him when I see him?

Then I texted him... and made a decision that I am goin to Sydney to meet him.

And so my journey started...He picked me up from the train station and brought me to the centre...Then I told him all about my placement..I told him how i struggled and took action with faith.. but I felt no Joy...I am lost with no sense of direction of my future....

Greg said:' You lack of appreciation in your life..I bet that you do not appreciate the culture in Australia.. You do not appreciate your parents enough...I can see that you are suffering deep down.. Because you will always not enough although you have achieved something... When you rang me.. You said you felt lost...And you said' I do not know what to do..' I can sense that it is as though you want me to live your life for you... you think this world owe you something... but this world owe you nothing...' At that moment my tears streamed down...I am lost of words... Because at that moment... I realised I do not appreciate the outcome that I've always wanted... which is to pass this placement as soon as I can... I am still begrudging...

'You think your supervisors owe you anything? They are human beings too.. they have their own struggles too... Do you at any point of placement that you sincerely pray for the happiness of your supervisor? And support your supervisor for them to be the best supervisor that they can be? ' When Greg said that.. I knew I didn't.. coz I am still holding on to the impression that they let me pass early is because they want a get rid of me.. that they are fed up with me.. that is why i feel that I do not earn the pass... it is all about Me , me , me...I am doubting my supervisor's buddha nature.. I am still thinking they did not do what they can to assist me being a competent dietitian.

And Greg said: ' You are just arrogant...and your attitude sucks....' He was being very frank.. But he is absolutely right.. ' I knew you do not want to come.. But you came...You have made a great effort and great cause to change ' Then he handed me some tissues.. Coz my tears was rolling down profusely... And I admitted to him about my thoughts regarding my supervisors.

And because of his guidance... I suddenly realise how ungrateful I am towards my life.. I have always begrudge about my pathetic teenage life... and constantly compare myself to ppl in my environment... although I do admit that I am being much more happier now.. in comparison to previous yrs...

But now... I do not want any part of my life to be erased...

Because be it bitter experiences or good experiences... they are the elements that made me who I am today.. I learn to appreciate every single detail of my life... although I do not have a happy teenage life... So what? It is now that matters.. I am grateful to those experiences... Or else I will not get to experience the joy now for having such good frens around...I will not understand other's ppl pain of being alone...

I am grateful to those people who have hurt me.... Because they are the ones in my life to polish my character as a human being...to inspire me to be a better person.. by not behaving like them... I sincerely... from the bottom of my heart.. pray for the happiness for the people that I do not get along quite well with... in order to practice my compassion to embrace differences... and appreciate them for who they are... learning to see their positive side.. their buddha nature..

Now I can really move forward with clear sense of direction.. Coz i do have everything I need to achieve what I want in life...

I am really grateful for my frenz and family... Because they complete me...

And now I just wana start everyday and appreciation... and end everyday with appreciation...

Everyday will be a great day for me from now on... I believe : )

Me..just me

2009-07-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday.. Sunny day....

But, things are not in place... everything seems to go wrong today for me
I was angry of somebody... because she forget to ask me to go somewhere...
But it was ridiculous, isn't it? Yes it was. So I thought.

I went to grocery shopping alone.. carrying loads of stuff... still at the state of anger... And so I thought. ' why am I always surrounded by ppl who are inconsiderate? What have I done?'

I struggled to go to buddhist meeting today. Was late coz i missed the bus.
Then, I came bac.. And tell myself to re-determine. No matter how am I feeling at the moment.. I have the ability to turn things around... for things to be the way it should be.

Not allowing the environment to control me... but me, being in charge of my environment.

Uncertainty and fear....Need to take control and not let these emotions control me.

Must conquer obstacles I face right now... And put all unhappiness behind...

Need to strive for the happiness of others and myself...

And so I thought... to re-determined is the only thing I can do right now.. to bring out the best in me, and the best in other ppl.

Nambucca

2009-07-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

Just finished my first week of food service prac in Macksville,Nambucca...
Had lunch in one of the cafes here on Saturday... Grilled Chicken Burger...It had a weird aftertaste... Coz it was a stale chicken... Asked the waiter to change another one.. But still ...there isn't much difference... i did not manage to finish it though.. In short, the food sucks....

Then We wei and I went for a walk after that along Nambucca river... I bought a banana milkshake.. Again.. it does not taste that great... watery consistency in a giant papercup....managed to finish half.. and the rest goes in the bin...

We wei was talking about how she would enjoy living and working here...

My gosh... it is like a dead town to me... You will rarely see any youths here..Plus, the food here sucks... with no fancy cafes to hang out in weekends.I seriously can't see myself working in a rural area in the future... It must either be Sydney or Melbourne.

I went to the river side again today for a walk coz I was freezing in the nursing quarters... listening to my Ipod... Walked over the bridge... Still not too bad...

Can't wait to go back to newcastle on Thursday. Hope my food service prac will go on fine..

Then I need to be mentally prepared for the next challenge....Clinical placement at John Hunter Hospital.

Welcome weekend...

2009-06-20T20:54:00.001-07:00

Last day of my weekend, Sunday.

Will have to wake up 6 am in the morning tomorrow and travel all the way to Cessnock District Hospital for food service placement. Luckily, my group mate is able to give me and Angeline a life there.. Or else we would need to travel 2 hours everyday to placement.. which will be exhausting...

So how is my placement so far and how am I doin? I can say.. Not too bad..

There are crappy days, and there are happy days... But at this stage, there is more bad days compared to good days...

Crappy days is when I feel stupid or incapable at work... when I don't believe my potential to grow and learn.

Friday was the best day.... As it is the end of the week.. And was looking forward to having lunch with Melissa( YW from SGI sydney) accompanied by sincere heart-to-heart dialogue... I was expecting to have lunch somewhere in Darby Street in a nice cafe as I thought we should have time... But we ended up having lunch in Hungry Jacks in Jezzo as we are about to attend Newcastle region meeting in Elermore Vale Community Centre at 3 pm.

It went well... I was glad being to that meeting for it reminds me of how important I am....rather than comparing myself to those around me, I should always believe that everyone is unique and has their mission that he or she can only accomplish in this life time..

Not only should I see that in myself, but also see that unlimited potential in another human being... Instead of wanting the other person to change, I should enact change in my life in order to effect change in my environment.

In other words, instead of picking up flaws of another human being, I should have the wisdom to see the good in them as who they are... and deal with them with wisdom and compassion... and that will need come from my sincere daimoku and prayer from my heart for the absolute happiness of all people around me, especially for those who I have problems with... And truly appreciate their presence in my life... for they are the ones who enrich my life while helping me to become a better human being each and everyday...

There are times when we will be too caught up in our own problems that we see only limited scope of our capabilities. It is only by striving for the happiness of others that we are able to solve our own problems.In other words, it is to be more caring to those people in our environment. Be it our friends our family... and to wake up everyday and feel thankful for who we are and what we have.

So although there can be annoying people around us which contributes to our crappy days, we will need to appreciate their presence... As they make us grow in tolerance as a human being... also, it draws out the compassion in us for him or her that the reason that the other person is behaving this way is probably that they are suffering deep in their life but they just don't realise it yet. To be able to see that, is liberating for us... as we will know at that point on how to react... by not being influenced by the actions of those people in our environment.

To put into practice in daily life is of course difficult... That is why we re-determined everyday with daimoku and prayer. For example: 'I pray for abc's absolute happiness regardless of his/her behaviour, and that she will gain victory over her fundamental darkness.' That prayer, which acts as the latent effect, will come forth when we are engaging with the other person that we are praying for.

This is what I learned from the meeting.. which I think will be useful to anyone who are facing difficulties with people at times...

Now I will just need to move forward.. and re-determine everyday.

Miss my family and 狗妹妹

2009-06-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

Most recent picture with Bro...

Bro with 狗妹妹..

Mum with my 狗妹妹...

Couzy sis with 狗妹妹...

Me with 狗妹妹..

Miss home.. and mother's cooking.... can I eat in my dreamzz??

Leng Chi Kang??

2009-06-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

Look at this .... It is Aaron Made Leng Chi Kang...when me, OY and WF were having lunch at Kotara... Oi Yin just finished exam... So we chilled out together...
Mixed with left over rice, coke and ice....aaron... sigh... Soooo childish...
But we had our laugh ler...haha...

Uneasy...

2009-06-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

Going to start Food service placement soon on Monday.... Had a great time with Wei Fun, Oi Yin, Aaron, Sim and Hui Rong yesterday.. we had a lil alcohol with singing and dancing...Just a small get together as some of us will be going on placement.

And the past few weeks, I've always been together with Wei Fun and others...and I really cherish the moments we spent together....

And today suddenly, I am alone.. So feel a bit awkward.. my feelings all over the place...watched Youtube whole afternoon.. listen to my favourite songs and singing relli loud in my room....

But I still feel weird.. Chanted for half an hour... but still can't find the peace in me... So I went to Huiru's room... And Mei Sin, Ping Syen, Pin Sze were there.... and chatted with them...

It is good that I feel better now with their company...and thanks to Huiru for giving me some advice : )

So, I will need to be mentally prepared to face challenges ahead... Not to worry but face them with courage... So are my friends and course mates...I pray sincerely from my heart for the happiness friends and family around me...

And may all of us graduate with pride and joy end of this year...

Pek Yiong's Bday

2009-06-09T04:32:00.000-07:00

Best part of Uni life... Celebrating frenzz bday....Frenzz putting effort to make cake and organise surprise party....

I hope those who see my blog will be reminded of their uni life...Friendship like this is hard to find once we are out in the society working...

Treasure this while you can...

FRENSHIP FOREVER!!

Another day...

2009-06-08T07:02:00.001-07:00

It is 12 am... Sleepy but do not feel like going to bed yet....
I am pretty lazy lately... I've done all my assignments for this semester... waiting for the start for my next placement at Cessnock...

It is already June now... There still little time left out of uni life...I wondered how my future is going to be...

Have many things on my mind... and things that i am worried about...

1) Hopefully I am going to pass all my placements,while enjoying the process of learning
2) Hopefully I am going to find a job here.. And settle in when I'm graduating... Still do not know how to go about it yet
3) Hopefully I will achieve what I meant to do this year

Sometimes I do not understand myself... All the insecurities and fear surrounding me... I do feel that at times that I can't see the beauty in me...
Is it because I compare myself to those around me? Yea.. obviously... Due to lack of self-confidence...This inner negativity has accompanied me for long.... That it will not shrug off my shoulders...

And sometimes I will beam with confidence... I am just amaze at my inconsistency...Fluctuating all the time...

Everytime I am different... Still trying to find my grounding.... My principles... And my sense of self..where is it? The part of me?

Will need to sort that out...

Another exciting day in 2009

2009-05-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

It took me ages before i can write anything here... Probably the first entry in 2009.How pathetic.. i know...lol...

It is turning winter now.. It was sunny but very windy.. At the middle of a 40% assignment.. but just wanna write something because I am bored...

Woke up at 9 am today... Not my usual self... Coz I am so used to sleep in till
11 am nowadays.. Have buddhist meeting at 1 pm.. and so i thought..Went breakfast with my friends at Goldbergs at 10.30am in Darby St.. It was nice.. but too much bacon,sausages, eggs and oil.. it does not sound that fantastic to me like my friends had beamed about...

We had a great time.... It has been a long time when we really sit down, talk and spend time together.. most of us are on placements now... And will soon go our separate ways by the end of this year...

When we were almost done with our breakfast, there is this hairy man coming in with his buddy friends for breakfast.. I had a really good laugh with my friends and he was looking at me, smiling.. Probably thinking:' What is this Asian gal thinking about me? Mayb I am too hot for her??'

LOL.. I was in stitches because he has hairy chest! haha.. Then when you look side ways, he has hairy armpits too.... Then I told my friends that we are looking at a gorilla eating breakfast in the cafe now.... Then I kept on laughing... I just couldn't stop.. Am i mean? I think I am.. Lol... too excited about hairy people.

After that, we went by a couple of shops and there is this make up bag that i really fancied.. But it was 50 bucks.. damn!!

Too expensive for me... Lol...coz it will be like 140 MYR.... nah.. too pricey..
Then i was looking at the bag.. then putting it back again.. Going back and fro like for 3 times around that shop deciding whether I should get it...

Then i went through a couple of rings in a basket with 75% off the original price.. YAY! and so i thought.. There is this plastic yellowish crystal-like ring from the basket and I tried it on.. then my friends just blurted:'Are you from Mars or something? Wearing that?'

Sadly, I did not get anything from that shop..

I was checking my sms in the car until I was filled with guilt for saying no to the Australian lady who was suppose to fetch me to buddhist meeting at 1 pm. My friend was very kind to give me a lift to Elermore Vale and I reached there at 2 pm. I was late. But when I tried to get into the community centre, It was locked up. I called the lady again and then she was laughing away saying that the meeting on Saturdays has always been on 3 pm...

SHIAT!!! Sigh.. I was amazed by myself with the memory of a gold fish.. BUGGER!! How could I forget?? Now I am stranded here like a dork... looking at bunch of youngsters playing soccer in the fields...

However, I made it to the meeting... And this really reminds me of something.
Me, being a SGI buddhist need to always remind myself of the vow I've made for Kosen Rufu; as I will not always be that lucky for the lady to remind me of that vow...
Maybe it sounds ridiculous and serious to you...but buddhism is all about fighting for happiness for other people and yourself. To have compassion and gratitude to whatever happens in your life. Let's say you had a bad day because you spilled coffee on your shirt or the dog had bitten your shoes off.. We must have the composure to say 'thank you' to all these trivial matters happening to us, although it is always easy to blame on that dog, or having the habit of asking 'Why is this happening to me?'
Also, to have the courage and capacity to say 'thank you' from our hearts to annoying people.. Haha.. And all that needs practice and sincerity from faith, practice and study; in addition for the efforts we poured into kosen rufu.

I admit I have been slacking lately in terms of human revolution, in other words, personal development....

So after the meeting, I re-determined again.

1) Score well in my upcoming assignment.I don't care if it is a tough one
2) Tell my boss next week about the number of shifts that I can work. Coz I was scared of telling him.. and I do not know why...
3) To enjoy my upcoming placement without fear no matter how hard it may be.
4) To show actual proof through my personal victories by deepening my faith, practice and study.

That is all for now... today I re-determined, which is the highlight of the day depsite the good time I had with my friends...because the torch in my heart was lightened up... for good. And I feel alive : )

Boring...and excited at the same time?

2008-05-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

This is the time when I'm strap in the middle. See, I just came back from a party that don't feel like a party at all... How 'cool' is that?

So, I was all dressed up... and when I stepped into the venue,people were wearing smart casual while I was looking as if I was going to a prom night. The theme was ' Red, Black, and White'...so me and another friend of mine expected that we should be dressing up to the nines. Little do we know that we actually looked like peacocks at the party. I mean we really stood out.

So you see, I was not feeling in place. I still have glitter on my body! My goodness.. this is hell of an experience. And lol, this is what an inexperienced party goer would be which is to either be over-dress, or under-dress.Ha.

Then my bunch of friends and I was sitting there,looking at each other, drinking some beer and cruisers, looking at the projected big wide screen showing Wrestling. Then, there was the dance floor, which was empty and nobody was dancing. I was feeling like dancing but my friends are not gonna dance at all. Hrmm...So you know, I was feeling realli realli out of place.

After that, my friends were leaving...being all dressed up, I don't feel like going home straight after that. Luckily, our friend is gentlemen enough in fetching us to Hamilton to eat something. Of course, it was freezing. Then we went to Darby street for a cup of coffee. Still not bad for a night.But the party, I will never EVER be to a party like this anymore. Seriously... period.

Why?

2008-04-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

How much fear do I have in me?
Why is my feelings hard to comprehend?
Why is there always a tug-of war in my heart?
Why do I feel not in place?
All these questions have been on my mind lately…
Why I’m building a wall to people around me?
Why am I talking to myself all the time, reflecting on my thoughts and actions? Good or bad?
I am starting to police myself in such a way, that I don’t feel like being myself anymore.
I am so tensed up around people… and I know somehow people can feel it…
When will I escape my own cage?
When….?

Feelings at the moment...

2008-03-31T03:43:00.001-07:00

So fast, it is already half way through for first semester. At the mean time, I am getting used to the lifestyle here.

A person spend the most time with one self. And we as human beings will always have inner struggle of good and bad within us. And sometimes, I do find it difficult to maintain the balance. There are times when I will be very determined to do something. But there are times when I will be totally slacked. For instance, I was late to class today because I was watching You Tube and Crunchy Roll AGAIN till wee hours in the morning.After that, I called my mum and it seems that the house renovation is putting her under a lot of stress. It kinda feels bad when I am not around to help her.

Human connections are very interesting. Till now, it is still a myth to me. I don't even understand that how a person can affect my mood. Anyway, that is all for now.

Time...Home...Mummy...

2008-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

Already 3am in the morning, but still I can't sleep... why? I really dunno.. This is the time when my brain is the most active, thoughts flowing all over the place, imagination running wild thinking nonsense stuff....

Sigh, I am still counting down my days back to Australia. But at least I am able to spend CNY 2008 with my family. Better then my neighbours, who complained that their daughters studying in UK couldn't celebrate CNY with them for many years.

What have I done in the past 2 months exactly?

Firstly, I was very excited to have a new pet- dog. Of course, I helped in bathing her, throwing away her smelly poo and pee, brush her hair, play with her, wipe her
\pee everytime she felt tooo excited playing with me (it never occurs when she is playing with my mum and bro, so I wonder whether my dog is a lesbian), wipe the tear staining under her eyes, bring her for evening walk...the list is long eh?

Secondly, maybe I spend my time shopping, reading, playing the piano.

Thirdly, I am going to shift to a new house soon.. so that is my biggest agenda here in Malaysia. Coz I have to decide and help my mum with the new design for the house and stuff.

Then I went to choir practice every weekend and spend most of my time driving. Accompany my mom to the bank, doing this and that...time just flies... why time is always not enough? I don't think I have done anything fascinating in my days in Malaysia.

Sounds boring right? But I think the most wonderful thing is that I am able to enjoy my mom's home cooked meal almost everyday. That,is really the BEST part.

Substituting western breakfast (toast with vegemite, fresh milk with cereals) with Wan Tan Mee, Dim Sum and nasi lemak is a blessing...

Able to go Yum Cha and chit chat with my friends at cafes or mamak stall during odd hours is also a blessing....

Damn I will MISS the FOOD here!!

I think the sole reason I would come back to Malaysia after my graduation would be for the food...How can I survive without mummy's food? Have to learn all the yummy recipes from my mum...I need her to be the mentor of my cooking...

You would never want to know what I cooked for myself when I was busy with assignments and exams. Instant noodles and Subway was inevitable.. Sometimes, I just threw in meat and vege to cook some sort of soup to eat with rice...Well, it just made me appreciate my mother's cooking more...

Not just cooking, I have to learn to be a 'Si Lai' ... In the sense that I need to go to the supermarket to buy my own groceries, have to think of how much vege and meat that I need to prepare one week's meal. Then, I have to learn to budget, compare prices of groceries. In Malaysia, I would leave to my mum to do the grocery shopping without thinking about the price..In other words, I think I would not even care to look at the price...

But now, I know it is not easy to do grocery shopping especially when you need to buy according to your budget and decide the brand of household products with reasonable pricing and quality before purchasing them.

Sigh, I would really miss home.. especially mummy... although we have arguments once in a while... But I think my mom's sacrifice for this house hold is very great...

Although I'm in my adulthood, I still have deep respect for my mum. In many ways, I am still my mother's biggest fan.

Think I am too long winded? If anyone read this post today, there is only three words I wanna say before going to bed.

'Love your mother'

GOOD NIGHT..ZZZZzzzZZzz

New Year 2008 and CNY...

2008-01-30T00:40:00.000-08:00

Well.... it is going to be CNY soon.. Done your grocery shopping yet? Bought new clothes? Done spring cleaning yet? I've only done shopping to add clothes to my closet... You can say I'm a shopping queen...but not yet a shopaholic...haha... I think all girls love shopping...

Recently, I read a book on 'Why we want you to be rich' by Robert Kiyosaki and Donald Trump. It is daunting that we are involve in money everyday. But almost 90 % of people do not know how to invest their money or spend their lives working for money, safe money, live below your means and diversify by purchasing mutual funds...

Frankly speaking, how many of us really know about economics and about financial management? Most of us know how to spend or safe money rather than invest our money.

Since I will be working in the society for the next 2 years, it is scary of how little I know about money. I am not being materialistic, rather I am being realistic.
Therefore, it is very important to start now in educating ourselves everything about money. To people out there who always wanted to be rich, wealth is accumulated through time, effort and patience. Wealth do not grow overnight. So, stop being a dreamer and start taking action by investing in your financial education. The more you know, the less is the risk for investing.

I am learning now as well. Bachelor degree is just a ticket for us to thrive in this society. But, how well we wanna survive depends entirely on our extra efforts besides studies. So broaden your horizons, and do what you can when you have the time and energy. Leave no room for regrets and start taking action now.

So,this is my new year resolution-- Enhance my financial education.

It is your choice whether you want to change or continue living with ignorance.

That's all I wanted to say.

Hope this will shed some thoughts in some of you who came across my blog.

My new pet: Flaffy AKA Fifi

2008-01-21T22:41:00.000-08:00

This is my new pet after I came back home! Don't think that she is cute when I first saw her... Not really a pet lover as well... But after a month or so spending precious moments with her.. She is soooo adorable!Now I will miss her badly when I am back in Australia. I have a new baby sis now, she is Fifi.. Haha... Enjoy her pictures.. and more pics to come.

Exam.. exam .. exam...

2007-11-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

Exam again...finals.. then i will be going back Malaysia on 26th of Nov.. i should be studying. But instead, I am updating my blog... haha.. But I think I SERIOUSLY need a break, to connect with other people.. yea you may say that I can talk to people through msn.. But I am in study mode now.. So I don't really feel like chatting with ppl via msn... But still, being alone concentrating on one thing can be quite a pain in the neck...

So I am done with my placement.... Now I just need 3 more papers to go before I end this semester.... time flies!! And I am turning 22 soon... er.. that is daunting isn't it?

I can say until now, I feel that I am still exploring myself.. There are so many things I wanna do to explore my horizons..

I wanna watch more musicals, improve my piano playing skills, wanna continue singing in a choir,wanna explore composing more songs... I am still very curious in this area. SOo many thing i wanna to do....

Hope I can do all, one step at a time... hehe....
ciaoz for now.. back to study :)

KL Buskers Festival 2006

2007-10-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

Should have uploaded these photos earlier as well...I participated the KL Buskers Festival 2006 along with other 300 youths of SGM. It was a memorable experience at Dataran Merdeka...the music and the fun was great! I still remember the that it was broadcasted in RTM 1...Anyway, have fun looking at the pictures, and make sure that you guys recognize me. hehe

Merdeka Night Performance...

2007-10-11T02:05:00.000-07:00

I should have uploaded these pictures earlier.. Now that I have the time to do it, haha...Anyway, it was a memorable experience just before my placement.. I was asked to be in charge of the Merdeka Night Performance on 31st of August, 2007.. Bogged down with exams and assignments with a tight timeline, it was a challenging moment for me.. I still remember I nearly failed my pre-placement examination prior to this event...I was so stressed out.. But, my chanting helped me to get through.. Without chanting, I would not had manifested the wisdom to get through all this...
These are the lovely pictures,all of us had a great time.

4 am in the morning...

2007-10-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

Woke up 4 am in the morning to realise that I have motivation to upload photos on my blog.. these are the photos from Canberra, just got the photos from my friend (the photographer. It was a nice trip..thanks for my friend who drove 4 hours straight from Newcastle 4 am in the morning and managed to reach there by 9am... It was cold there!! Freezing I would say although it is spring... We went to the Parliament House, Floriade Exhibition, National Museum and also the Telstra Tower... It was perfect for a one day trip... Enjoy the pictures guys!

Telstra Tower. Can you imagine standing at the top of the tower with the wind blowing fiercely? It was FREEZING man.. but the night scenery was worth a watch...

Our photographer man, snapping pics of himself... he thinks himself is handsome(er hmm)anyway,he is showing his new camera also la...

Look at the flowers.. aren't they gorgeous?

Am I gorgeous? Did someone faint? Do i need to call 911? haha joking.. I will never regard myself as gorgeous...?!?!

Our dedicated driver, who insist that he will only take photo with the red flowers...how 'passionate' he is...

Parliament House, we are sooo patriotic...

Nick, Me, Oi Yin, Ee Cheng and Suresh (From L to R)

Placement sucks...

2007-10-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

It has been such a long time not updating my blog...Anyway, I am busy with stuff...well I always said that I am busy.. but I think that sometimes I am giving myself excuses...

Since I am doing Nutrition and Dietetics, I have to take Community Nutrition as one of my subjects. Basically it involves intervention towards public health, co-operate with the government to formulate policy guidelines towards healthy eating in relation to obesity and stuff...But, it is boring to me because I hate planning and go through tedious processes...Then, the placement is actually for us to work on our respective projects.. And mine is about healthy lunchboxes...whereby we need to assess year 5 and year 6 school children lunchboxes to look at the foods they brought to school to evaluate whether they are eating healthily..

And now, I will keep on rattling about my placement...because I have been bottling up my feelings for four weeks.. and enough is enough...

All Malaysians who are doing this course have to split up to be in groups with Australians for our placement.So every group will have 2 to 3 Australians with one Malaysian.

Since I do not like this subject much, I did not do much background research...So basically I did not know much about the project... My group mates did found info on it.. But they are just unwilling to share them with me or bother explaining to me on what they have found. Or if I emailed them whether there was anything I could help, they would ignore my email..That is fine..

1ST WEEK
Then the first week of placement starts...damn it was stressful... It was so hard to communicate with them. I don't think my English is good, but it is not bad either... It is like I need to repeat myself at least twice for them to answer my question.. Then if i repeat too many times,they would think that I don't understand them... Like I am idiot or something,like I have no clue on what I am doing...So most of the work was done by them...and most of the time I was just sitting there watching them editing stuff,doing graphs on the pc.. and I would just be watching...

In this case, it is normal that one will feel bored right? So I tend to space out at times... Then they would suddenly popped the question and asked my opinion about the stuff they are doing.. then obviously I would say that I dunno... then they would say 'What are you doing?'

HELLO.... I don't feel like I am a part of this project at the start.. They would talk between themselves most of the time... and I was trying very very hard to listen on what they were talking about on the project... and sometimes I just couldn't get it.. because they would not bother to explain to me on what they were planning to do on the project most of the time.

Then, when we were doing the audits and survey for the children, same thing happened... They did not really tell me clearly how were they going to conduct the audit and surveys...then when I've done the mistake, they would say 'Didn't we talk about it yesterday and you were there??'

HEY C'MON MAN!!!! You guys were mumbling among yourselves most of the time!!! You EXPECT me to know it???I feel as though I NEED eavesdrop all the time to know the progress of the project!!!

Then, here comes the insult from one of my group mate. On Thursday, she said that she was tired. Then I asked her that whether she went out yesterday night... because uni students go out on a Wed night normally for clubbing or to pubs coz alcohol is cheap on Wed nights... Then she replied:' No, I am not that STUPID...' WALAU!! In the other way round, she was actually insulting me by saying that I am STUPID!!

There was also another insult when we were compiling results on the audits because we need to count up the number of serves of food we have audited.. I asked her 'If 35 grams is one serve,then how about 15 grams? ' She replied' Oh, you just need to use SIMPLE math and COMMON SENSE.' Man... what kind of comment is that??

So, it was so stressful working with them...it makes me feel like I am total idiot during placement.. then my other group mate likes to swear alot.. F***.. D***head is common words from her mouth...She would swear on anything..probably EVERYTHING...
I am scared to talk to her as well... as she does not like me to comment or run through her stuff when she is doing something...like she would bark at me anytime...

First week was terrible.. But I told myself that I would survive this by proving myself on the things I am good at...I chanted for the wisdom to fit in...Or else, I don't think I can calm down my feelings during placement.

2ND WEEK
This week was still not too bad...
At least I have things to do.. for the audits and surveys... at first I don't think they trusted me on doing the audits.. Cause they tend do more I think...

Started to chat with them and talk more to them as well...

But I still don't enjoy being on placement.

3RD WEEK
This week we start to write up our report... So basically I just counted up all the audits...so that my groupmate could work on it to put in the report...

Basically, I just written three small sections on the report.... Then they would go through it and change it..Although it is not like they changed EVERYTHING that I've written,but still I would not have any final say on the report.. or they would ignore my suggestion on what I think was suppose to be in the report...

Then, they were saying that they were eager to bring me out to get me drunk.. so that I would have an experience of getting a hungover....Damn, I don't think I wanna go out with them...coz I dun trust them.. besides I think that they have the intention of making fun of me because I have no experience in getting drunk.. rather than with the intention for me to have a good time.

This week ended eventually, and I am happy to get OVER it asap...

4TH WEEK

Nothing much to do, as the report is mostly done.. again.. I don't think I am doing much work compared to them.. But I am contributing as well.. I did the powerpoint presentation...

Well, when we get feedback on the report from the dietician, I said I wanted to look at the section that I did... They would just ignore my request and asked me ' What is wrong?' C'MON.. can't I JUST LOOK AT IT??? They were so scared that I am going to change anything on the report.. Like I've said.. I do not have final say on the report...

Then as they were finalising the log book (we need the log book to jot down goals that needs to be completed on the course of our project), there were some days where I did not jot down what I have done for the day...So, I just added some bits on the log book because I knew that we would be assessed based on our contribution towards the report.. She was like 'Cherlyn, you don't need to jot down every single thing you have done because I've already checked it and it is fine as it is a working document and not a diary' I was thinking 'they had jotted down stuff like I did as well and why couldn't I?'

So basically I just couldn't say or do anything freely because they are the ones who finalise EVERYTHING...I can't even TOUCH the logbook unless they say so... if I touch it, they would check every single bit I've written... or they would scrutinize my actions, like my every move is under their control...

yea..finally this is the end of placement which is great.. cause I dun need to see their shit face everyday anymore...but one valuable lesson I learned: If I am deciding to work and live here after I graduate, I would need to upgrade myself so that I am on par with Australians.. so that I would not be despised by them...

I guess they would think that Asians are stupid or something(but not all Aussies of course because I knew Aussie frens who are very nice ppl).They would not say it.. but deep down I do think they feel that way..I can sort of figure it out through their actions at placement... so I will prove to them that Asians are SMART ass...we are willing to work hard and improve ourselves...and one day.. we will far excel beyond their imagination..and they would remain the same level as before because people who look down upon others cannot achieve anything great anyway...

Well, I do not hold a grudge towards them or anything.. Just expressed how I feel... thats all...it is soooo exhilarating after spilling it all out :)

Final exam, the next big thing...

2007-06-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

weLL, it is winter now. However surprisingly, it has been raining consecutively for three days... The storm here is terrible, Newcastle city is flooded,a ship carrying 700 tonnes of oil was washed ashore yesterday morning at 9.30am, 200,000 homes were blacked-out yesterday due to the strong winds and torrestial rains and will not get any electicity until next week.. OH man, what is happening to the weather? According to the weather forecast, the bad weather will continue at least for one week....It was also in the newspapers that this wild weather was last seen in Newcastle during 1970's until recently, causing havoc to Newcastle.

A family members of five in a sedan had also gone missing on their way back from Sydney when the road collapsed...Terrible weather..I was scared when the wind blowed so hard, trees waving like mad, and the roaring of thunder was creepy...

I bet I would have shout for my mum of I were back home. Please stop raining, cause the weather is making me sleepy....sigh...and I can't go to the library because teh whole uni close down due to the bad weather...

Another good news is I am going to shift to a self-catered unit next semester and cook whatever I like to eat! The food in Edwards Hall is unbearable at this stage.

Interview of Chris Gardner

2007-06-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

Enjoy both of the videos, perhaps you will be inspired to pursue your dreams no matter what circumstances you are in.

Not doing enough...

2007-06-02T22:15:00.001-07:00

It is cold and weather is gloomy today, looks like it is going to rain. Watched on youtube about Chris Gardner and I wondered how much did I do achieve my dreams. He is a millionaire broker in US but behind that lies his enormous struggle before achieving what he have today. He was born in a poor black neighbourhood with a abusive stepfather,he did not go to college, he got married but his wife left him because of financial crisis, he raised his son all by himself and being homeless, he slept in subway station and etcetra. But, he fought on and read a lot to learn as much as he can although there wasn't an environment conducive enough for him to learn.

Compared to him, my problems are nothing.In fact, it is close to zero. I am lucky enough to have an opportunity to study abroad. But still, I don't think I am making full use of this opportunity to gain as much knowledge as I can. I've been wasting time. And that is the bad part. I am wondering what am I suppose to do to be proactive?

Since I am in Australia, I have not experienced of having a fruitful day. That feeling of having accomplished a lot in a week, by a reading a book or playing a complete song...

sigh..what am I doing?? I just have to be proative, always be proactive.. But I find it hard to do so..and I hate that.. I know if I continue to live my uni life like this, I will not be getting much from it... Anyway, that is thought for the week...Have to get back to study..have a minitest tomorrow..

Hope to pick myself up as soon as possible..

Confusion...

2007-05-28T04:59:00.000-07:00

I am constantly changing…changing in a way that sometimes I can’t recognize myself.
And this whole thing of being a female…I’ve always tell myself that if I have a second chance, I would rather be a male…Males have less things to care about because the only aspect to determine the success of a man is his career.

However, being a female in the 21st century is very challenging. Since women get the same chance of getting education, women are more involved in the society and are gaining recognition on their contribution towards business, health, sports and politics. But not only women have to be smart nowadays; they are also expected to be feminine. As the capability of women are on par with men in the modern society, there are women who are ‘career driven’ .Rather sticking to the traditional conception of being a women, they expose themselves to the society and faces competition in terms of productivity and knowledge. Hence, there is rising percentage of women who do not know to do ‘girl stuff’ such as washing, cleaning and cooking.

This leads me to confusion. I’ve always aspired to be strong, that I will be a person of substance, of wisdom and intelligent woman who is on par with men. This voice within me has prevented me for being feminine. And I admit that I have a sense of desire to show the ‘masculinity’ within me. Since at the age of 20, I started to loathe with the idea of make up and dressing up; as they are very troublesome ordeal. I started wearing big T-shirts as I don’t feel there is a need to flaunt my body shape. Jeans and pants are my best friends as I feel comfortable in them. I also love to have short hair (but not too short) because it portrays the spontaneity embedded in me that is common trait in guys.

Then, I found myself uncomfortable of being sexy and I don’t like wearing spaghetti straps or any other outfits that will show my ‘flesh’. There is a part of me which reckons that a female who knows perfectly well on how to make herself ‘look’ good- in terms of putting on make up and wearing the perfect outfit to flaunt their bodies- are weak (not all of them of course). But I can’t deny that I love to see pretty girls, however in 100% certainty I do not want to be one of them who are constantly obsessed with their appearance which is such a waste of time.

But there is confusion within me when most of guy friends think of me as being a tomboy. Although they use to joke around with it, I found that there is a part of me which is irritated with the idea of being regarded as a male. I realized there is also a part of me who yearns to be and seen as a girl. Suddenly, I felt that actually I enjoyed being treated as the ‘weaker’ sex because you tend to get protection from males; which complete me as a female. Damn it is confusing. So I actually have a trouble of knowing what I want…While I aspires to be ‘career driven’ woman, there is a soft spot within me that is pulling me back. It is a ‘tug- of- war for me…It leaves me more confused of my desires and my aspirations for the future…

The Beautiful Trio in 2007 Grammy Awards...

2007-05-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the sensual performance by John Legend, John Mayer and Corinne Bailey Rae.

My favourite song..

2007-05-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hope that I can play n sing like him..haha..

What Should I Study??

2007-05-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Your Learning Style: Personal and Passionate

You are very flexible and curious about the world. Human understanding is very important to you.

You Should Study:

Anthropology
Architecture
Art
Art history
Art therapy
Classics
Counseling
Foreign Languages and Literature
International Studies
Linguistics
Literature
Psychology
Sociology
Teaching

What Should You Study?

2007-05-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

Your Japanese Name Is...

Sada Sasaki

What's your Japanese Name?

Haha....further update..

2007-04-28T03:30:00.000-07:00

Well, it is a Saturday night which gives me a feeling to blog.. Anyway, I had a minitest on Thursday and I was almost late to the exam hall.. That really freaked me out..and the bloody Nervous System was difficult to study.. Hrmm...But I was really lucky when my neighbour, Arlen, woke me up for breakfast.. it was 8.35 am when my exam was supposed to start at 9 am.. I shouted, jumping here and there, was toally shocked out of my bed...I was fortunate that Beavon, my neighbour's boyfriend was willing to fetch me to the exam hall, and they skipped their breakfast just to get me there on time... I appreciated their efforts..

Phew, that was so close....But I didn't think I tried my best in the exam...I better not repeat the same thing in my finals...and just wait and see as I am gonna do better in my finals, HA!

Well, I guess I get overboard with my sleeping time. I slept at 6am today...coz I was busy watching movie series yesterday night...Hrmm.... since when did I became so interested in watching movies?

I might as well talk a little about the movie... It revolves around No.8 pawnshop... You can pawn anything to fulfill your desire. That includes your internal organs, your hands and legs, your wisdom, your love, frienship, family bond and even your soul...In the movie, there are people who pawn their love for fame and success, there are also people who pawn their talent for mother's love..and etcetra...
It was all the lust and corruption in this modern age that people's never ending desire leads them to the pawnshop as they are never contented with what they have. By the way, the pawn shop is run by a devil. So basically most people who visited the pawnshop usually ended up in unhappiness, because they will pawn their soul in the end because of their greed.

Anyway, the series are around 100 over episodes.. It was a bit tiring to watch it...I also realised that I don't like to read that much anymore, as I used to read. I should make an effor to read again...The bad part is that I will get addicted to watching the movie series...which is bad, bad bad...

Other than that, I play badminton now every week..That is the healthy activity I do every weekend..I also know many good friends....although there are times that I will be very busy, but I am enjoying my uni life.. One more thing, being a member in the Uni choir, I will be performing tomorrow.. I am so excited!..haha...

Well, that's it for now..
Will update further in the future...

Life in Edwards Hall...

2007-03-10T02:52:00.000-08:00

Time flies I've been here for a month now in Newcastle, Australia. I just remembered how home sick I was on the first day I arrived here. I cried myself to bed as I miss my family terribly. Orientation week was fun, with all the parties organised just to spice things up. The parties were basically accompanied with loud music and liquor. I had one beer or two, as not to get drunk. There were parties everyday, until I came to a point that they were boring after all.

It was then that I came to know that Australians were heavy drinkers. They don't dance during parties because their sole purpose was to get drunk, which explains the shitty music blarred from those speakers. The level of sound pollution at my corridor was still bearable, foul language is a common etique here. I am pretty immune to the F*** word now. People here are friendly as well, especially my neighbour.She is a straightforward girl who speaks her mind. I like her.

The worse person I ever met so far is my AA, Academic assistant. Well, he is rude with no respect for others. He is nothing but an imbecile person. I just wondered how he was chosen to be the AA, which was suppose to take care of our welfare. But anyway, I don't want to have anything associated with him.

The food here are quite tasty, but I just miss asian food so much especially my mum's Assam Laksa. But they can't cook Asian food, as they taste very bad. I just remembered I ate only white rice with soya sauce because the food was unbearable.

Other than that, it was still ok. I might move out to off-campus after this year. I do wish to cook my own food, and have the freedom to cook my mum's signature dish. I am getting busy, so I have not much time to miss home for now...

Sorry for the late update...I was too lazy to do that.

Freaky Medical check-up...

2007-03-10T02:49:00.000-08:00

Just went for medical check-up last Friday ( The week before I left to Australia)…
This is something I must write about…
I went to the oldest and filthiest clinic ever known in my life…
Black switches were used with the yellow ceiling fans spinning above….well, not to mention the spider web dwindling from the corners…
I never expected to see this besides from movies in the 60’s… Benches were made of thin wood with paint and cemented floors…
My visit to the washroom was very ‘pleasant’ as well…The odor was unbearable…
There was no proper sink for me to wash my hands, mold was visible in the worn cemented sink…
Well…
Here comes by the doctor, a jovial old man in his 60’s which enlightened me with his Genting Highland jokes…
The nurses were middle aged aunties and examined the power of my eyesight as if they were the optometrist speaking rough Cantonese…I don’t think it is appropriate for me to describe his office…. It was so untidy that I will not recognize it to be the office of a doctor if not for his sign board at the front door…
Anyway... I am not trying to jeopardize the image of a doctor…
But it is very important for the people who serve in the heath care sector to be hygienic…
Do not forget that patients entrusted their health to doctors when they seek their advice,
So for people in white robes, just always remember that cleanliness is the best policy.

ME...hehe

2006-12-16T09:04:00.001-08:00

Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH were true.
Leave the fibs alone.
Then, "stab" 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse.
I have changed mentally over the last year.

I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.

I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I'm currently single.

I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.

I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.

I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.

I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.

Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.

I adore bright colors.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I somehow enjoyed this thing!!!
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.

I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

Camping at Bentong...

2006-12-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

It is kinda late to blog at this time, after 1 week?

Anyway, this Benting trip was a memorable one.
At first, I was very excited to be there with the Ng's...
On the first day, we got to attempt abseiling...although I went to Outward Bound School, the height was daunting...
but still I managed to land on the ground quite smoothly...
Huay Theing did quite well too while Andrew gave her some usefel guidelines,
" Use your feet!"
" I know la!" was Huay Thieng's reply, shouting from above...
Since then, we were making fun of her imitating her accent... Haha..

Our next stop was The flying fox...But we had to cross the hanging bridge to the other side before playing that...
Well, thanks to Andrew.. Huay Theing and I were the loudspeakers of the day... we were shrieking all the way because he just couldn't stop shaking his butt to move the bridge...
I was swaying in the middle of the air because of Andrew, and Soo Ann was the other culprit teaming up to slow us down... Finally,we've got to play the flying fox...
But I felt more like a Flying Dog, because the speed was not fast enough...

After that, we settled ourselves with bath and dinner along with group discussion.
Then we participated in Nightwalk through the jungle. It was thrilling to see fireflies glowing in the dark, there were roots that glowed too..There were also the stars, sparkling above the sky . when veiwed from below the canopy, it was beautiful.
Our team work was remarkable that night. Everyone was holding hands to go through the jungle to be sure that everyone was safe, as it was pitch black.

We went back tired but was freshen up by the shower of ice cold water at night...
It was freezing without air conditioner, I couldn't imagine myself sleeping without a jacket.

I was grumpy the next day...I was a lady in RED...
Well..I was worried that I could not proceed with the rakit that day...
We set out to our camps site...which was about 20 minutes walk into the jungle...We've got to cross a small stream... I screamed again when I encountered a leech meking its way for my flesh...
Luckily,Ah Beng came for my rescue by pulling it away...
We cooked lunch and proceed with the rakit...
I was really concerned about myself at that time but after much persuasion by Huay Theing, I decided to give it a go.
It was loads of fun and my group was the first to finish assembling the rakit...
thanks to the guys in my group... They were really sweet and gentlemen... Huay Theing and I were only helping to tie up the ropes...
At night was the time for group presentation...
Girls got to sleep at the open- air hall because the tents were spoiled with holes...While I pity the guys because they had to squeeze in two tents...

That night was hard especially for the PICs...
Group 1 was presenting while suddenly it was raining rather heavily...The presentation had to be carried forward to the next day and we were chanting for the rain to stop as it would be a trouble for all of us...it did stopped a while...
According to out PICs, there spotted a scorpion and a centipede... Tan Leng was brave enough the chase the creepy crawlies away before they could harm us.

The girls were well taken care of by the PICs... when we were in our dreams sleeping on the harden ground with roots, it rained heavily again. We were awakened by the PICs and they covered up the area with the available canvas, so that we would not be splashed by the rain.I could still remember that it was 1.30am, and 5 to 6 of the PICs were staying up to chant for the rain to stop.

In the morning, the rain ceased.All of us prepared and go downhill to the meeting hall. We proceeded with the group presentation which were quite well done. Then it came to the experience sharing which sent people to tears.
Group leaders and members were being frank explaining their faults while participating in this camp...
Most surprisingly, a lot of or PICs were in tears too...as this Bentong trip was not as organised as the previous one..
Especially Yu Wen, he was sobbing all the way. But I was gald that they were frank for they would learn from their mistakes. This wouls make a person a great leader in the future.

In conclusion, although I felt grumpy most of the time during the Bentong trip, I gained a lot of insight and learned many things about Buddishm and Gakkai spirit...
Members of Soka Gakkai would always stick together through thick and thin, which I felt throughout this trip...Participants would help each other out, and the PICs were willing to sacrifice their well-being to ensure our safety; which I found quite quite touching.

I am very grateful to be a member of Soka Gakkai Malaysia.I just hope that I would learn more in the future...

David Tao Concert...

2006-12-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

I went to David Tao's Concert during October but did not bother to update my blog because I was too busy with exams...Anyway, I am considered to be a 90% banana in music as I hardly listen to any manderin songs...
But since I went to the concert, I fell in love with his voice...
He was so damn good! His voice was great with perfect pitching... And he is a real talent, his songs are very nice to hear and soothing...
I love it...

Thoughts....

2006-12-06T07:19:00.000-08:00

I am starting to feel bored of my holidays…
Luckily, Chung Han borrowed me some Japanese Cartoons which are nice to watch.But still it has hidden meaning in it...So it takes time to digest but meaningful...
I really missed those choir practice days…
Have to go makan BAK KUT TEH with RC2 someday, at least before I leave at 8th of February...
Sigh...
Bored... why am I so bored??
Sometimes I just can’t stand my mum....
I felt that I am detached from her somehow...
I have grown so much...
The things that I like don’t always go along with her anymore...
I know that she loves me and wants the best for me...
But things aren't on the same course because I am getting a clearer direction of what I want in life...
I wanted to be an extraordinary person, a person who can achieve something in the near future...
I wanted my mum to believe in me and my decisions, but it seems to be so hard...
Oh well, when I leave, I bet that I will be a cry baby... there are so many people I will miss, my family and friends...
Just hope that I will achieve what I wanted in life...

EXAM ends!

2006-11-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

Finally, my first year was a blink of an eye, free from the bugging of exams...
I am quite free now,except busy with gakkai activities and my school's newsletter...
Feel like finding a part time job in the holidays...
Thinking of doing nothing till next year in February?
I will be sulking at home, with mushroom growing on my head perhaps...
ai, whatever...I will do some reading and practice some bangs on my piano...
have to practice a piece of Beethoven for my friend's mini piano recital..
that would probably be my challenge for this holiday...
wanna feel like playing classical music again, warming up my fingers a little bit...
wakaka, my friend said that I am good at playing Beethoven pieces, well..i don't know...
I felt regretted for not cherishing my piano lessons in the old days, I played but not wholeheartedly...
I always have a dream to retake my grade 8 theory coz I failed in the exam....
I still remember in the old days that I had my beginners luck, and being pampered by my piano teacher..
Just wondering how did I managed to obtain a Distinction for Grade 4 practical and Grade 3 theory...Those days were long gone...
I am just eager to find that golden touch in me, to find the real me.. but I know that being lazy and impatience was one of my road blocks...
I could still remember vividly when I crampled up my Grade 1 exam pieces because I couldn't get it right....
It is lucky for me to play again when I got the opportunity to be the pianist for Renaissance Choir 2. It was a bad feeling to have screwed up the performance in Jenjarom, a night when we performed...I was blank feeling dissappointed at myself....
From then on, I vowed to be a better pianist..
I just want to improve myself...
That's all...
I must be better from yesterday... That is what I am going to do : )

Meaningful gathering....

2006-08-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

Teacher Anne and me.

I was hugged by teacher Anne after 2 years when we met yesterday... Felt very warm as i was a student of hers for 7 years...She played a big role in shaping me for who I am today..... she taught me creative thinking,the courage to speak up in front of people and to be different from everyone else.

At the gathering, I met my old tuition mates and we chatted about fun stuff we did together in English class.It felt as though I was projected back in time sitting in a classroom having classes with teacher Anne. All of my tuition mates share the same respect and gratitude towards teacher Anne as all of us has morphed into unique individuals because of her...

Yesterday,only 4 girls from my class came...One is doing Actuary Science,the other is doing Medical soon and one is doing Advertising and Marketing right now. All of us are doing okay, striving for the future. Teacher Anne also talked about her future plans for her tuition centre, as she was planning to open up classes for school subjects according to international school syllabus. I really admire her zest to work for passion but not money alone as she loves to teach. Although she is in her 40's , but she is doing her best everday....

Well, my friends complimented me for my new hairstyle...hehe...
have to thank the hairstylist ler...and to them, I didn't change a bit. I am still me from the way I speak...I don't know about that until yesterday...hehe

I had a meaningful evening, a skip from my choir practice was worth it though.

Taiwan Trip- The 7th Taipei Choral Festival

2006-08-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

27^th of July

The day appeared to be gloomy with rain drizzling softly. Reached KLIA by 12.30pm and boarded the airplane by 2.40pm.Well, it was my first experience to board the China Airlines. The air stewardesses were quite pretty too. I did felt butterflies in my stomach when the airplane started to mount. However, it was quite smooth with some shakes in the mid-journey. Just hope that I would not get a headache later. I didn’t really know what is expected of me at the choral festival, but it would sure be a worthwhile experience.

Reached Taipei at 7.05 pm. The day was dark, with orange lights illuminating the city. It was humid and steamy as Taiwan was in the season of summer which made no difference compared to Malaysia. By the way, the airport was much ‘classic’ compared to KLIA. After that, we boarded the bus till we reached the Taipei Teacher’s Hostel. There was a string of question marks hanging over my head when I saw the building covered with green nets. Out of my expectation, it was our logging venue. HAHA, MY GOD! It was still under renovation. The hotel room was no better than the appearance itself. The ceiling was peeling with clefts everywhere. Just wondered what would have happened if it rained…touchwood. Luckily, the shower was still okay with the air conditioner working too well that I had to wear a sweater and socks to bed every night. At least, it was quite cheap compared to other loggings in Taiwan.

After checking-in, my choir teacher brought us to nearby stalls to try out some local food. We tasted pig skin, seaweed (very thick one), noodle soup, some pork and vegetable. I liked the seaweed very much though and it was Taiwanese’s favourite dish. After that, we went back to the hostel to rest. That’s for the day.

28^th of July

Woke up early today at 7.05 am. It seems that my biological clock was set. But, I
couldn’t sleep well the other night, kept turning left and right with my nose blocked. At 9.30 am, we were ready to have a stroll around the city of Taipei. We went to the Mainland Music Bookstore to purchase some choral pieces. You can find all sorts of music scores ranging from Chinese and English oldies, pop songs, musicals and other classical European choir scores. The price was quite reasonable too which couldn’t be found in Malaysia. I did bought some though, only with the ones that I know like Abba songs. Unlike Mr Chung Han, who couldn’t help keeping his hands off the scores… he did flattened his wallet a bit…hehe..

Our next stop was the CD store, again there were a variety of reasonably priced CD’s which couldn’t be found in Malaysia. I did buy some… Then, we went to Golden Stone Bookstore to have a look. Of course, I wouldn’t leave without buying something. So, I purchased a book by Paul Coelho: The Pilgrimage. It cost around NT 280, which was much cheaper compared to Malaysia. Of course, it was followed by visits to other book stores and music stores as well. The highlight of my trip was that I experienced earthquake for the first time when I was in the Youth Bookstore. At first, I thought I was having a headache from my flight yesterday until I was told by my teacher that it was an earthquake. It was as if you were swayed by the ocean waves on a ship. Anyway, it lasted only about 10 minutes which I would never forget.

Then, we went for a stroll in the University of Taiwan with rows of palm trees aligned both sides of the pavement. It has a symbolic meaning which describes the success of a university graduates walking through the pavement to be out of the gates of the university. Meaningful eh? Of course, we had a photo snapping session.

After some rest, we continued our journey to the Taiwan’s famous nightmarket. It was like Petaling Street in Malaysia and a sweet haven for females. Handbags, fancy shoes and clothes, plus branded imitations. You name it, they have it. I also had my stomach stuffed with Taiwan’s knick knacks. What a day! Just hope that I would not gain weight though. After that, I did my statistic quiz with Mr Chung Han sitting beside me in internet café. Guess what? The operator wanted to view my IC for registration. He thought that I was under 18!! I felt so much alive with vigour and youthfulness in me… hahaha…although I am 20…which mean that I am still a TEENager…haha… around 11.30pm we went back and had our beauty sleep.

29^th July 2006.

Couldn’t sleep last night, so I woke up feeling lethargic. After breakfast, we proceeded to the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall. The sun was shining brighter than ever. I was astonished to find out that many participants were youths like me when we were lining up for registration. It seems that the culture of choir singing is much appreciated by teenagers in Taiwan compared to Malaysia. Then, there was a brief introduction about this choir camp on who would be involved in teaching us and some rules to be obeyed.

After that, it started with a quick run through the piece by Mozart <>. It is a famous choral piece about Christianity which consisted of 12 songs. In a short time, we managed to learn 3 songs without the lyrics. For the moment, it was Mr Wu who would be conducting this song by teaching us for three days. After that, it would be continued by Mr Gabór Hollerung , who is a famous conductor from Hungary. But, I need to practice more as others were quite familiar with it.

At 5 pm, our classes finished. I was feeling a bit dizzy, ready to fall any time. However, a visit to Soka Gakkai International –Taiwan changed my day. Finally, I realized the meaning of ‘laughter is the best medicine’. Chung Han and I were greeted with a SGI flag when our fellow members picked us up. After reaching the cultural centre, I heard people singing vividly while we were in the elevator. As it opened, there were youths aligned in two rows, greeted us with their claps and sonorous voices. Treated like celebrities, we were dumbfounded with joy. This was followed by Chung Han’s excellent speech about SGM Renaissance Choir (both KL and Selangor) as a cultural exchange with the Pacific Ocean Choir of SGI- Taiwan. Well, I was quite surprised that Chung Han could speak very well in front of people. He had me duped from his serious looks previously. Taiwan members also gave us presents and some souvenirs to be given out to the members of Renaissance Choir. Then, we were treated with a feastful dinner at a cozy restaurant. The conductor of Pacific Ocean Choir, Mr Hatori, along with a few SGI Taiwan members also joined us for dinner. We were late for the night concert today. But, we didn’t mind because we were very touched by the SGI Taiwan member’s sincerity and hospitality. We felt joy welling from our hearts thinking of giving our warmest welcome if they ever visit Malaysia. However, we did manage to watch the 2^nd half of the performance by choirs from Croatia and Norway.

30^th July 2006.

The practice started with a vibrant session in the morning as Professor Yu-Wen Pan, taught us some singing skills. For example, method of utilizing breathing skills to sing, some counting exercise, voice harmonizing exercise and some body movement with steps and etcetra. It was something new and I enjoyed it very much.

After that, we continued with the practice of the song, Requiem. It was terrible as we barely know the progression of the notes. The conductor even had us going through all the songs. I am quite worried that I couldn’t sing this piece well. In the evening, we attended a talk by Cantus, a choir from Norway which consists of 30 females. It started with their beautiful voices before the talk begins. It was an eye opener as they introduced the culture of choir singing in Norway, the style of their choral pieces along with some famous composers and insight towards their songs which they were going to perform that night. The talk was very interesting though.

At 5 pm, we rushed to Taiwan’s SGI cultural centre to visit Pacific Ocean Choir. Our choir teacher was also with us that day to exchange some ideas with Mr Hatori. It was a pleasant evening to hear the voices of the Pacific Ocean Choir. They are the same age as RC2, but they are progressing rapidly and even won a gold medal in Golden Voice Competition in Taiwan last year. This made me realized that we need to strive for further improvement. Like yesterday, we were touched by their sincerity and were late for the first half of the concert. Still, we managed to enjoy a spectacular performance by choir from Croatia. They sang some European folk tunes and madrigals which we didn’t understand. But their angelic voices would move you if were there. It was great to watch how professional choir sing, they voices were neat and clean with accurate pitch. Well, it is something to work on with RC2 when I am back in Malaysia.

31th July 2006

It was really scorching hot in Taiwan and we need to walk to the Chiang Kai Shek memorial hall everyday. The air was dry and my skin felt it even more. The day started with a lecture by Pei-Chi Chen. She once won a gold medal as the best soprano in Taiwan. She was a carefree woman with frizzy hair, wearing a dark blue T-shirt, a jeans and a pair of black leathered shoes. She’s quite plump with her plastic rimmed spectacles on embedded a flare of casualness in her, I like it. Later on, she taught us how to sing with proper support of diaphragm, and some tips to take care of our voice which was quite useful.

Later on, we continued with our practice of the song Requiem. Finally, I had a sense of direction of where I am heading with the lyrics. Although the pronunciations of Latin words were difficult, still I managed to sing the whole song with a sense of accomplishment. As Mr Gabór was coming tomorrow, the practice was some sort of rush today. Mr Wu, the conductor, was pushing us by correcting and reminding us about our mistakes. It seemed that there was a lot of polishing to be done before our actual performance.

This was followed by a talk given by the Ensemble Pleiade, Japan. Ko Matsushita, is not only the conductor of the ensemble but also a composer of choral pieces and lecturer in Kunitachi College of music. He is very famous in Japan with the bonus of being handsome as well. Haha…. but I didn’t think so. At the talk, he introduced some unique methods of warming up the voice with the Pleiade Boys choir demonstrating them. He also taught us the usage of different exercise to improve certain singing skills such as running notes, staccatos and other ways to train choir members to feel the beat and rhythm such as Jazz music. Well, I did jot down some exercise for RC2 to practice in the future.

After that, we met up with a member of SGI-Taiwan, Chung Sun. He took us to do some shopping and had dinner as well. We had a good time chatting and talking about the conditions of SGI –Taiwan and about their choir group as well. We really appreciated him for willing to be our temporary tourist guide.

At night, we enjoyed another concert in the National Musical Hall by Cantus from Norway. They wore Norway traditional costume which looked like European dresses back in the old days, which were very fancy. It was a great performance, especially Wedding March. I love that song so much! Just wondering that it would be cool if there would be a choir singing this song on my wedding day? Oops, I was dreaming again…

1^st of August

The morning started with our usual walk to the memorial Hall. It was windy and the sun was smiling as always.Our practice session began with Mr Gabór. Finally, we met him. He is a beefy guy with a pot-belly, roughly in his fifties. He knew this piece so well for he had conducted this for more than 100 times! He was also very funny and gave clear explanations on what he expected from the piece. Furthermore, he pointed out our mistakes and corrected us there and then. One thing I remembered was ‘Intonation was very im-por-tant’. He was also very particular with the consonants because without exact pronunciation, it was impossible to express this song properly. And of course, Mr. Wu was his translator. Later on, Mr wu ran through this song again with more precision. He demanded more from us this time but we did improve a lot.

Later, we had a class with this pretty young lady, Shih-Fen Wei. She introduced us Jazz music, famous musicals along with other artists like Edith Piaff, Riza Minnelli, Ute Lemper who were well-known in singing Jazz music. She also taught us singing skills using the microphone via demonstration by two professional singers. It was really an eye opener to other kinds of music rather than pop music. It was great to be able to gain knowledge in appreciating this genre of music.

At night, we enjoyed the performance by the Ensemble Pleiade, Japan.Their voices were beautiful by singing mostly Japanese folk tunes and songs composed by Ko Matsushita. By the way, there is only one member in the group who is pursuing music. The rest had no musical background and had their own profession such as accountant, fish monger and etcetra. It was amazing to see them being invited to sing in an international event. One unforgettable sight was when they sang the ‘Cockroach Song’. Very funny though….

2^nd of August

Today the practice went on as usual. Mr Gabór stressed more on the consonants of the lyrics, and he asked us to repeat again and again when our voices were flat. If we breathed at the wrong time, he would say: “It’s better to die than to breath at the wrong part!” I was getting familiarized with the piece by now, feeling fulfilled.

In the evening, we attended a talk again. When a frail 80 year old man was on stage, I couldn’t believe that he is the famous conductor, Liang Kun-Yan. One of his masterpieces was the ‘Yellow River’ sung by a choir consisted of 400 people. As he spoke in a heavy mandarin accent, I couldn’t catch what he meant most of the time. But, he did a demonstration with a choral piece from the ‘Yellow River’ and it touched me with his hands poised in such a way that he controlled the emotion of the music perfectly well. Who said age matters? I am really inspired to be like him when I am old, pursuing my passion.

The night concert was very special today. It all started with a famous A-Capella ensemble in Taiwan. Then, it was followed by Coco’s Lunch which is a band from Australia. Their music was more towards native music with African style while decorating their voices with peculiar percussions. One unforgettable song would be ‘Thulele Mama Ya”. I just remembered that I clapped and shouted frenzily giving them standing ovation. They were captivating. Then, Chung Han and I went to buy their album immediately after the show. We just couldn’t wait to get their autographs! We did take a few photos with Chung Han being my photographer J

3^rd of August

The usual schedule had a little change with Gustaf Sjokvist Chamber Choir from Sweden giving us a talk in the morning. He introduced us folk songs sung in Northern Europe region such as in Sweden, Norway and Finland. This genre music is called yoic and is performed during special occasions such as weddings, birthdays and etcetra. At that time, I came to know that the Wedding March sung by Cantus is also a yoic. Furthermore, he introduced us the style of 20^th century choral music and other forms of Swedish music without lyrics comprising only vowels. Mr. Gustaf which is the conductor of the choir told us that they would normally perform a Swedish suite as long as 17 minutes. From my observation, they love to sing choral pieces with clashing harmony of many parts. Hence, they are truly professional for being able to sing them. However, I did not find them fascinating because their voices did not sound clean enough. I had a feeling that they were not giving their best to the audience. Anyway, we gain knowledge today by knowing the Swedish choral style. This was followed a lesson in body language and movement taught Po-Jen Cheng. Well, he has atypical dancing teacher style that fits well in body shirts, if you know what I mean…but I think his class would be more interesting if he did more preparation.

Later, we continued practicing the song with Mr. Gabór. By now, we could sing the whole piece quite smoothly, still with some minor errors here and there. But Mr.Gabór was quite happy with our progress as we successfully get the hang of this choral piece in six days. This proved that my worries were invalid afterall. One thing about Mr.Gabór, he is an excellent communicator in using body language and metaphor to convey his message. Hence, this was also the reason that we got to grasp this complicated piece in a short time. Although he has high expectations, but he complimented us each time when we fulfilled his demands. All the youngsters actually love his style of conducting. Especially the girls, they were very fond of him. Hehe…

At night, we had our first rehearsal on stage in the National Musical Hall of Taiwan. I felt so small engaging myself in such a grand setting with 300 people surrounding me, combined with the Taipei Philharmonic Orchestra. Mr Gabór was quite picky with the orchestra and asked them to repeat when they didn’t get the beat or the feel right. We were quite exhausted and had a little supper before returning to the hostel.

4^th of August

I was feeling a little heavy today, thinking that we would be leaving soon. Anyway, this morning we were refreshed with Mr Gabór’s talk on the history of . Mozart, an Austrian composer was a genius as he could imagine 40 minutes music in his mind and putting all the notes down on paper without much correction. But he did not manage to finish his masterpiece and left it to completion by his students accordingly to his style. Other than that, there are many versions around. Today, there are many people who modify this choral piece including Mr Gabór himself. But the version of Requeim that we were going to perform is the most popular among all.

Later, Mr Dirk DuHei who is the artistic director of this camp introduced us to various international choral competitions around the world. There were the Germany Marktoberdorf (http://www.modmusik.de) The World Choir Games (www.choirolympics.com), and Japan International Choir Competition. He also explained the different categories and marking scheme in international choral competitions. It was a real eye opener that choir singing was promoted world wide. In Taiwan, it is inbuilt in their culture that all Taiwan university has their own established choir. According to Mr Dirk, he was planning to organize an Inter-University Choir Competition soon.

Then we continued with the practice on stage. This time we were able to sing 12 songs in one shot without much difficulty combining with the four solos as well. We sounded like professional choir heard in the CD, which made us felt proud of our voices. Mr. Gabór was quite happy by now with little reminders on how to express the song.

At night Chung Han and I were late for the concert because he accompanied me to buy some praying gadgets. The venue was hard to be found, luckily Chung Han knew the way and with the help of a SGI-Taiwan member, we managed to purchase them and rushed back. Tonight was the Gustaf Sjokvist chamber choir’s performance and the hall was filled with audience. By the way, I dozed off after listening to two songs. Oh man, I was too exhausted and I found it quite boring. But I came to know from Chung Sun that those choral pieces need 3 years professional training in order to perform them. So, they were excellent but I just didn’t have the taste to enjoy their music. However, I found that they were singing monotonously without much expression.

When the show ended, we were surprise to meet some members from Pacific Ocean Choir. We snapped some photos, and our previous tourist guide, Chung Sun was also there. He brought us to a famous seaside in Taiwan with breathtaking night scenery. We also enjoyed supper bought from “Ah Kei” restaurant along with a cup of express noodles and a few drinks from 7-eleven. This was the first time I had supper by the seaside, I felt tired that but not now as there’s food with me…haha…But, we just stopped by a short while as we had to catch the last LRT back.

5^th of August

My heart thumped with adrenaline, our day has arrived to perform on stage in the National Musical Hall in Taiwan. There were 300 people on stage with limited space, 80 people from the Taipei Philharmonic Orchestra as accompaniment and four solos. We started our final rehearsal on 3pm today, as Mr Gabór insisted that we rest our voice before the actual performance. Although our legs ached, we felt a sense of gratitude as it was an honor to perform on a prestigious stage.

At 8.00pm, we gathered at the basement with Mr Wu giving us instructions on how to go on stage. Our performance started at 8.30 pm. In front of us were 2500 spectators looking at us, waiting to listen to our voices. All ladies were in high heels, we had to keep our body perfectly still holding our music score. We couldn’t flip it until the conductor signaled us so. Undoubtedly, I was struggling with my numb feet by standing like a statue waiting for the conductor to arrive.

Finally, the ‘man of the night’ paced on stage with his tuxedos followed by a generous applause from the crowd. As a first time performer in such a grand finale, I felt overwhelmed with excitement.

Our voices hit the ceiling with the wave of Mr Gabór’s hand, mesmerizing the audience. It was the first time in my life that I poured my voice from my heart. It was such an amazing experience with 300 different individuals singing in unison on stage. That is why I love choir so much with diversity of voices united as one.When our performance of 12 songs ended, the crowd gave us standing ovation expressing their love for our voices. Later on, we had a small party and we took the opportunity to snap photos and get signatures from Mr. Gabór. Tonight was the happiest moment in my life.

At night, we went back to do some packing as we need to board the flight at 9 am tomorrow.

6^th of August

Today is the end of my trip and I have to continue with my studies tomorrow. Has lots of catching up to do but I have confidence that I can manage it. Don’t feel like leaving Taiwan as I am just too immersed in the happy moments there…But I will certainly bring the unforgettable memories with me, sealed in time.

One valuable lesson I learned was, despite of important things that needed to be accomplished for example success in studies, it was also crucial to explore oneself in different areas. What I learned was that there are many professionals such as doctors or psychologists who joined choir in Taiwan. Therefore, it is worthwhile to explore one’s passion on other aspect as education does not bound within four walls in life and it is the life experience itself that matters the most. This helps to build a person’s charisma to be a unique individual in the society. So, go for your passion to live life to the fullest!

2006-08-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

Photo with Mr. Gabor...

Photo with cantus choir from Norway...

Photo with cute guys from Sweden's choir...i am so short meh?

Taiwan National Musical Hall...

Place where we headed to classes everyday...
Taiwan tomato noodles...

Breakfast....

Duck noodels...

Dinner at a restaurant in National Musical Hall....

Photo with Mr Du Hei-Dirk....

2006-08-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

The street where our hostel is located.
Taiwan University.....
Funny?

Cultural exchage with POC.

Our dear friend, Chung Sun-member of POC in SGI-Taiwan.
In Xi Men Ding.
Group photo with POC members.
On the way to 'Dan Shui'-aiya, he was the tourist guide lo...
Eating supper in Dan Shui.
Night scene of Chiang Kai Shek memorial hall.
Photo with this cute guy also from POC.

Group photo with cute guys and gals.

Rehearsal on stage.

Photo with crew members of the camp.

Practice...the one in green is Mr Wu, the one in the middle is Mr Gabor.

Brief ceremony after the performance.

Photos in the canteen :) Voices of Joy!

2006-07-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Me and Huay Theing.

Me and Ai Ling.

Eddie and Little Chung Han.

Eating spaghetti in the canteen.

2006-07-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

Little Chung Han(L), me , and Kexin(R)

2006-07-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

On the right was Mr Pecka-the manager of Juvenalia. The two beefy guys next to me were of course the guys from the choir.

Stage crew.

2006-07-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

Well. there was an event whereby i am involved as the stage crew...
now i finally knew what is a stage crew all about...Huay Theing,kexin, Ai Ling,Little Chung Han, Siok Lan, the ninja turtle(Eddie) and me were there to take care of the performers...
i was in charge of the Juvenalia choir group from Finland.Guess what? their age group range from 16 to 26...
so , there's a lot of cool gals and guys there....but .. i did not manage to take their email...
the event was called the 'voices of joy; featuring Viva , Juvenalia and Operafest...
However, i found Operafest quite disappointing as they were shrieking at top of their voices for they were only children...
but the Juvenalia and Finland were excellent..
one day, RC2 will be like that too :)
But i did not actually have the chance to view the whole show..i was practically roaming the whole place to make sure everything was alright.
i just knew that my leg sore like hell...well, Huay theing was surely to experience the same.. but more severe since she was wearing high heels.
So, from 2 pm we were cleaning all the guestrooms and after that welcoming them to our culture centre.... then rushing here and there till 11pm when everything ends....
The best part was we still got to eat the extra boxes of spaghetti which was suppose to be given out to them.hehe...
although it was tiring, but it was worth a experience...
especially with all the other RC2 members...

school starts...

2006-07-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

it is very hot recently....don't even know why...
and i guess i need to clean my brain everyday cause it seems to be muddy...
i woke up at 7.30am in the morning, i was rushing to school...
thinking that i would be late.Trying to catch my breath, i was told that there was no lab and tutorials...
according to time table. i would only have class at 1 o'clock....
sigh....
wasted my time....
next time i would try to not be so'mcc' ler....
by the way, i goal for this week is to write two songs...
hope that i will come up with somethin ler...
so i will pray for inspriration...
wakaka...

Had a hair cut...

2006-07-13T04:54:00.000-07:00

hehe.. just went for a hair cut.. i am really satisfied with this hair style.....
my mom said that i look like 'chicken little' ...
wakaka....

Me and my brother...

2006-07-11T05:32:00.000-07:00

see how different am i from my brother?
we are the yin and the yang...
he is dark, i am fair...
i like classical music and he said that my taste of music sends him chills....
he likes to play sports and i don't, he like to play chess, PS2, pc games and again i don't...
i study the science while he studies the arts...doing business foundation...
sumtimes i wondered how can we be so different...
even our features are not the same....
thinking about the days that we often fought....
haha...
since i am born in the year of the tiger, and him in the year of dragon...peace is a 'no no' between us when we were young...
now okay ler,can really chat with him.....
we will talk about our friends and school life....
anyway he is my only brother, i will make peace with him ler... as the eldest sister...
haha... can't forget when he taught me how to play badminton though... i got a bronze medal during primary school because of that....
hehe...

wat a day!

2006-07-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

well...
holidays seem to be flying fast...
only one week away from school starts and i did not really do anything...wakaka...
i went out to have 'dim sum' my mum, then i went out to have a meeting about the taiwan trip, and a little shopping at Mid Valley with Mr Chung Han...
came back home,watch a cantonese series... and burned CD's...
get to listen to Arwin Tan's Novo Concertante Manila's songs...
really nice and soothing...
really love choir.. dunno why.. i just love to sing...
just feel that i can express myself in this way...
and play piano too...
just realised that i like to play the piano via hearing....
to play accompanyment is what i want to learn now...
i may not be as talented as others.. but i will keep on working hard and contribute towards SGM Renaissance Choir 2.
and looking forward to the taiwan trip too...
maybe can meet a lot of 'leng chai' there?
aiya, just joking ler...

Look into the musicbox...

2006-07-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

yeah, look into the music box and what will it be?
do u see a ballerina circling on the plate?
hearing 'Fur Elise' ringing by your ears?
yeah and i want my life to be as mysterious as the music box.
i remembered as a little girl, i would open music boxes when my mum brought me to a gift shop.
i still remember the feeling...
i am awaiting the sight of the musicbox as i opened it, my heart beat with a sense of excitement...and whoa...beautiful...
beautiful...
that is why i have chosen the music box...
i want my life to be just like it...
filled with mystery and freshness....
last time, i was miserable...
but now , i am happy.. content.. and continue to seek new challenges in life...
no matter how tough may be for my future, i will face it squarely with faith...
i will create a new chapter of my life....
and i will never be the same Cherlyn again.

holidays...

2006-07-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

sigh...
just came back from my gramna's....
eat lots of durian... yummy.....
ate lots of 'Forrero Rocher' brought by my aunt from canada....
watched a Korean movie, n online...
interesting eh?
well... only have one week to go....n school starts....
will be busy again...